FanPost

Whose Jersey Yabuyin?

Hannah Foslien

Yes, early season success is fun, but do you....BELIEVE? It's time to make an investment with your love, your passion, your...vote. Whose jersey are you buying this week?

The candidates:

1. The Starter (Who Does Not Get Knocked Around): Kyle Gibson. He's sort of like a hot young prospect, only not especially hot or young or really even a prospect anymore. His ERA same "dreamboat," but his K rate says "accessible."

2. The Independent: Chris Colabello. Sure, anyone can get drafted in the first round, make top-100 lists, and hit the majors at 23. That's the obvious way to make the majors and that's fine, sure, if you don't really care about, you know, being a complete tool in the system. But if you want to see players make the majors with integrity, maybe this is your guy. Step 1: Quest around America's forgotten ballparks for about a decade righting wrongs, playing baseball, breaking hearts. Step 2: Make the majors, not because you need them, but because they need you and they finally realized it and they're sorry and they're just glad you'll play and yes, they'll pull themselves together and not make such a big deal about it. Step 3: RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI, RBI.

3. The Phoenix: Jason Kubel. He burned brightly, flamed out in Phoenix, and now rises again. It's like a myth, but, you know, for reals.

4. The Glue: Brian Dozier. Good second basemen are always underappreciated. They aren't shortstops or centerfielders or catchers, but they aren't really expected to hit either. But what if someone is sort of quietly awesome at some keystone defense, while being sort of a mini-Thome at the plate, while being sort of an Austrilian who talks like he's from Alabama? And the leadoff homers and the hair? If asking yourself these questions gives you tinglings that you didn't think could tingle like that anymore, you might just be stuck on the Doge.

5. The Plouffe: Trevor Plouffe. Plouffe...say it, Plouffe.... Close your eyes, and...Plouffe. If you need an RBI, just take a deep breath and...Plouffe. Plouffe...Plouffe.....

6. The Hosed Meal: Josmil Pinto. The car, the bean, the ballplayer. Humble. Robust. Easy to love, but...gassy?

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