About a week ago, Big League Stew posted a video a Cincinnati Reds fan had made of his Chris Sabo bobblehead doll rotating on a platform to Mannheim Steamroller. My first thought? That's pretty lame and I can do way better -- the bobblehead isn't even bobbling its head! Plus, I bet I can do more than one doll at a time.

And so, two MIT engineers (i.e. me and a friend) designed a platform for bobbling the heads and with a green flannel sheet and some cotton balls, we had a snowy scene laid out on the platform. After a few tests, we chose five representatives from the 1991 Twins based who bobbled well together: Kirby Puckett, Kent Hrbek, Dan Gladden, Jack Morris, and Tom Kelly... and a cameo from a guy who was just getting his cup of coffee in '91, but clearly wanted to play for the Twins even then.

I put it to music, not by ripping off Mannheim Steamroller, but by writing my own parody of the Twelve Days of Christmas, 1991 Twins style. No, it really doesn't make any sense... this is just what happens when I get some time off and start implementing my silly whims. Enjoy, and happy holidays!

Since the Twins seem bound and determined to stick to their $100-million payroll marker (otherwise known as "Bill Smith's Doom" or "thanks, Hennepin County! SUCKERS! HAHAHAHA"), it looks like the prospects for success in 2012 are rather bleak. Perhaps it's time for those of us who won't have anything better to do this summer (like catching up on our reading, volunteering to help the poor, or making sculptures out of baby snot) to consider ways the team could still win despite being somewhat hitting/pitching/fielding-challenged.

1: Cheating. Baseball's unwritten rules make serious distinctions between Good cheating and Bad cheating. Good cheating can get you a fine or a brushback pitch, but is generally winked at by peers and teammates. Bad cheating gets universal condemnation and could endanger a career.

Examples of Good cheating include (but are not limited to) stealing signs, scuffing balls, fooling umpires, getting favorable calls because you're a Yankee, sleeping with women you're not married to, and using steroids. Bad cheating is pretty much limited to sleeping with men and getting CAUGHT using steroids.

The Twins might be well advised to cheat in each and every way imaginable. I do not advocate anything that threatens a career, but I wouldn't complain if Trevor Plouffe and Luke Hughes showed up to spring training looking like Jesse Ventura. The feather boa is, of course, their business. And I still think Mauer's fiancee is a beard.

2: Divine Intervention. Several years ago, the Colorado Rockies made it publicly known that they like having players who share a particular religious faith (have fun, Kevin Slowey.) While I assume this was popular with a segment of the local fanbase, it has not, of yet, resulted in a World Series trophy. But that doesn't mean that the Twins, in their hour of need, can't do something along the same lines.

The suggestion here is that the team try to incorporate as many religions as possible, thereby increasing their chances for winning the support of several different Supreme Beings. I haven't seen any players sacrifice a bucket of chicken wings to JoBu lately; it may be worth a try. "Voodoo night" should make for rather more interesting collectables than the standard bobblehead doll (imagine Alex Rodriguez figures complete with pins you can stick in the butt.)

Snake charmers in the concourse would definitely get my attention, and sacred prostitutes might be acceptable outside of the Family Seating area. (There are already some approximations of this this near the Washington Avenue entrance to the stadium, but as these lack official team religious sanction we don't know if the deities in question approve.) Probably, for fans, the best spiritual approach for next season is a Buddhist repudiation of the wants and cares of this world, but I don't think that would help the team, much. Most of the players already tried that in 2011.

3: Magic/Luck/OCD. With former Head Warlock Cuddyer relocated elsewhere (have fun, Michael), the opening is there for all manner of totemic magic meant to bring favor from the elusive, definitely nondenominational Baseball Gods. Most players have their individual superstitions and obsessive behaviors.

You've all heard the stories; pitchers want the team to wear a certain jersey on days they start, nobody in the dugout sits next to a guy nursing a no-hitter, you don't scuff the foul line walking off the field, etc., etc., ad infinitum. This is probably inevitable given that they spend most of their time trying to perfect repetitive muscle motions and still fail on the majority of occasions. (Players from other teams fail slightly less often, but the overall trend remains.)

What the Twins need, perhaps, are Mandated Superstitions. Get everyone on the same page, or unwashed Vancouver Canucks jerseys, as the case may be. Whatever does the trick. Bring in Tom Kelly to bench anyone, no matter how important, who fails to follow the current Twins Way (which will inevitably change many times during the season.) Tying shoelaces in a particular order, saying "white rabbits" on the first waking moment of every calendar month, insert your favorite "Monk" moment here.

My favorite was hearing former "catcher" Matt LeCroy tell a TV reporter that he and Mike Redmond swam the Mississippi to the ballpark after every home victory. The reporter finally realized he was being had, but it took a while. Why not DO THIS? Fans would, no doubt, enjoy riding the light rail from HHH to Target Field with a bunch of shivering athletes in swimwear. Get creative, Gardy. Now's your time to shine.

4: Hope/Insanity. Count on every Twins player staying healthy and several having the best seasons of their careers, culminating in an exciting three-game playoff defeat. It's worked before!

Twas the night before Twinsmas, and all through Twinkie Town

Not a poster was stirring, not even that Clown*

The stockings were hung by the dugout with care

In hopes that Spring Training soon would be there

Twinsgirl was nestled all snug in her bed

While visions of Nineteen danced in her head

With Fischean in her kerchief and Jesse in his cap

We all settled in for a long winter's nap

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter

We all rushed to the dugout to see what was the matter

We looked out to right field and then out to left

But saw nothing at all and all felt bereft

The moon lit the grass of the empty infield

Hinting at secrets it never would yield

Then what to our wondering eyes should appear

A miniature sleigh drawn by men in Twins gear

The little old driver with moves a bit tardy

I knew in a moment it must have been Gardy

Rounding the bases like a triple to right

He called out their names loud into the night

On Mauer and Morneau, on Carroll, Liriano

On Lexi and Blackburn, on Baker, Pavano

To the left field seats, to the top of the wall

To first, second, third and to home above all

The sleigh settled down on the infield grass

"That dome, I must say, was a pain in the ass"

Gardy came dashing down the base line

And slid into home, just for old times

He was dressed in light blue from his hat to his socks

"Authentic throwbacks, now just sixty bucks"

"But where is the bag, overflowing with toys?"

Gardy said to us all, "now listen here boys,"

"I sure don't know what planet you're on,"

"Hasn't anyone here ever used Amazon?"

"I've come here with draft picks, free agents for you"

"All stars and veterans, some MVPs too"

His eyes how they twinkled imagining soon

The team on the field, him calling the tune

His cheeks bulging full of sunflower seeds

Evaluating talent and tending to needs

His smile it grew til it seemed miles wide

Seeing pitches and hits, run quick and now slide!

That infielder's body now running towards fat

You could see his desire to pick up a bat

We started to smile in spite of ourselves

Maybe this year, we'll outplay those evil old elves

The Tigers and Royals and Sox Red and White

Will come to our house and be in for a fight

And even damned Yankees will be in for a start

As our batters step up and take their pitchers apart

Gardy said it was time to head south to the Fort

"Lots of work to be done to succeed in this sport"

So he gave us a smile and raised a glass of good cheer

And leaped in his sleigh with the grace of a deer

Away they all flew just as quick as dart

Blyleven called out that “I 'heart' to fart”

They called as they went, nearly too faint to hear

"Happy Twinsmas to all, and we'll get them next year!"

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With the recent departure of Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel, Professional Hitter, and the signing of Josh Willingham we have lost 1 left-handed power bat in our lineup and replaced the right-handed power of Cuddyer with, well... pretty much the same amount of right-handed power.

As of today 12/21/2011 the Minnesota Twins have 38 players out of 40 on their 40-man roster. And with the hot stove season clearly underway (and going strong) lets get creative and think how our 2012 Twins will look like without Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel (and the 2 open roster spots that will likely go to a starter and a bullpen arm).

Thanks to the Official Minnesota Twins depth chart for providing some up to date information.

More after the break.

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That's it. If bored, please attempt to answer the question in contractual terms; how much do you what Kubel to remain a Twin? How much money? How many years? Options? How does the draft pick color your speculated price? If you what to you can comment on what he will be doing if they sign him. Or, why they shouldn't sign him and who is going to replace his bat (not so much his glove). What is Jason Kubel worth to the Twins (if you were the GM)?

It's becoming fairly obvious that Jason Kubel won't be a Twin next year unless something changes dramatically in the next few days. Personally, I'm not going to be really upset about this, but Kubel was an above average LH bat that could be plugged in almost every day (especially against a righty) in the DH spot in the lineup. When he wasn't there, Thome was waiting. Now, with neither of these two out of the picture, the Twins aren't left with a whole lot to choose from for a Designated Hitter.

Ryan Doumit is the one player that the Twins find the most consistency in as a DH, assuming Mauer and Morneau stay healthy. If Doumit hits like he has in the past, the Twins will need to find a way to keep him in the lineup on a day-to-to basis. Theoretically, when he's catching, Mauer would be able to DH a good portion of the time. Or if he's plugged in as the first baseman or right fielder, that leaves Morneau or Willingham with a chance to DH. If you were to ask me who the opening day DH will be, I'd have to put my money on Doumit as long as Mauer and Morneau are ready to rock and roll. Of course, this also depends on if the Twins view Revere as an everyday outfielder to start the season. Revere will obviously never DH. If he's in the lineup, he's playin' defense. Period. That makes an outfield with Revere, Span, and Willingham, making Doumit the odd man out and, more than likely, the opening day DH.

Now, let's be a little more realistic and assume Mauer or Morneau will miss significant time at some point (hopefully not simultanueously) and Doumit will be forced to play 1B or C. Now who DH's? In my mind, it's gotta be Trevor Plouffe. He's the exact opposite of Revere. Anytime you can get his bat in the lineup and keep his glove out of the field, it's a good thing. I also have to believe he will start the year with the team as the guy who can play SS, RF, 1B, or LF but yet, can't really play any of those positions well. His bat has more upside than Tosoni's and, in my humble opinion, Luke Hughes's. He also offers the ability to play the outfield. Something Hughes hasn't really done. So basically, I see Plouffe as option 1A for DH if Doumit is forced into playing the field on a daily basis.

That leaves two more internal options. The wild cards. Chris Parmelee and his smokin' hot wife and Joe Benson and his mullet. Both are very talented hitters but are still very raw with next to no major league experience. Parmelee was very impressive last year when he got his "cup of tea" but there's very little chance he can carry over production anywhere close to that for an entire season. If he shows enough to the coaches this spring, though, he might get his chance. He also might get to play 1B everyday with Morneau's status still up in the air. Benson is a guy that might have a little more upside than Parmelee, but he didn't show it last year. He was regarded as a 5 tool player but he did little with the bat, and a lot of times, you don't see "5 tool" guys DHing. There's very little chance he breaks camp with the big-league team and mostly just needs a few more AB's at the AAA level. Something he never got last year. That leaves Parmelee as the #2 internal option.

The other option would be to sign a free agent. In my opinion, the best option out there right now would be Jonny Gomes. He was 1.5 Wins Above Replacement last year with the Nationals. The only year Kubel posted a better mark was 2009 when he was 2.7 WAR. Last year, his WAR was 1.1, ableit he was plagued with injuries. Gomes posted a line of only .209/.325/.389 but he did hit 14 bombs in only 311 AB's. Those numbers were also below his career mark of .242/.329/.451. The SLG% is right there with Kubel's career mark of .459. There are also other options like Luke Scott, Magglio Ordonez, or Cody Ross, but if the Twins want a full-time DH, i have to believe Gomes is the best value on the free agent market.

After all of that, I see the Twins internal DH options for next year as Doumit (part-time), Plouffe, or, with a strong spring and healthy Morneau, Chris Parmelee. If they're going to go out and get a farly low-cost player on the free agent market, I have to belive Jonny Gomes would be the best option.

Billy Beane wants the full enchilada for Gio Gonzalez. Personally, I think we should give it to him and here's why.

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ESPN just reported it, appears he signed for around 3 years and $30 million. He had a good run with the Twins but in the end the Rockies offered up more money. Certainly makes the Willingham deal look good, as the Twins likely got similar production for a couple million less per a season, but I'm still sad to see him go (As I'm sure many other Twins fan are). I wish him luck with the Rockies and am glad that I was able to cheer such a good guy for his many years on the Twins.

http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/7359936/michael-cuddyer-colorado-rockies-reach-multiyear-agreement

I've seen it multiple times today on Twitter that the Twins are saying they're not out on Michael Cuddyer yet. At first thought, I found myself envisioning an outfield of Willingham, Span, Cuddyer, with Revere playing all over the place, and it sounded like a good mix of power, speed, and defense. Besides, Cuddyer would provide the perfect Morneau insurance. But then it struck me that Cuddy is looking for at least $10 million dollars and I started thinking about all of the other things we could do with $10 million besides signing the guy we just signed a replacement for.

If the Twins really do have another $10 million to at least play around with, why in the WORLD wouldn't they make some sort of move for a top-of-the-rotation-starter?????! WE NEED PITCHING!!!!! Edwin Jackson, anyone? He might not be worth the $10-11 million he's gonna get, but what other options do we have on the free agent market. Rich Harden? I don't think so. I am in no way saying we need to sign Jackson, but this is a team that's starters finished second to last in ERA and has made absolutely no improvements to the staff. I think it's safe to say Liriano can and will pitch better, but will he be healthy, and where is this guy's head? Can Baker stay healthy? We haven't seen it yet. He was really good when healthy last year. Will Blackburn's sinker sink? Even if it does, he's a #4, maybe a #3 at best. Pavano isn't getting any younger and he didn't do much besides eat innings last year. His ERA was 4.30 with a 1.36 WHIP. Those are right at his his career number of 4.30/1.34. It's safe to say he'll be pretty average next year also, while still eating up innings, which is valuable in it's own sense. I fully expect Duensing to get moved back to the 'pen and focus on getting lefties out. That leaves Manship and Hendricks for the last two spots. That means one thing: We're in big, big trouble.

Now I fully expect the Twins to sign another 4/5 type starter (Joe Saunders, Jeff Francis, or Jon Garland), or a high-risk/ high-reward type (Rich Harden), but unless they pull off some sort of trade, we still have no 1/2 starters in the rotation. Liriano could be that guy and Baker could be pretty close to that guy, but there are a lot of if's for those two. Edwin Jackson would be more of a 2/3 type in my opinion but he throws hard and strikes out a lot of guys, while also walking a lot of guys. They always say, power pitching wins in October, and I'm a firm believer of that.

I guess my full point of this write-up was to say that if the Twins, in fact, do have another $10 million dollars floating around to play with, they sure as hell better be using that on a starter instead of an outfielder we don't really need anymore. It's hard to say I'd hate bringing back Cuddyer, but I would I firmly disagree with that decision when the money could be used elsewhere, primarily in the rotation. Not necessarily Edwin Jackson, but someone...ANYONE!!!!

Updated MLB draft order for 2012 to this point; a few Type A/Type B Free Agent picks left to be determined.

Carlos Beltran and Takashi Saito both had clauses in their contracts that they could not be offered arbitration, and Roy Oswalt was not offered arbitration, so those 3 are not included here. Ditto for David Ortiz, Francisco Rodriguez, and Kelly Johnson, all of which accepted arbitration. I will modify this as we go along throughout the offseason:

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