Satire, Irreverence, & Other Humor

Area Twins Fan Apologizes for Stagnant Payroll

13

"My lack of enthusiasm is at fault. The Twins deserve better."

2015 Minnesota Twins Season Wrapup

Club's new trainers lead to unexpected results.

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15

SATIRE: Joe Mauer taken into Custody

"When he saw that the store was out of his favorite 2% milk, he lost it. He grabbed a bat that was hanging on the wall and started swinging."

SANSEVERE: SET MAUER ON FIRE

12

The Pioneer Press columnist thinks that only the threat of being burned alive can help the Twins first baseman.

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Meet: Baseball Aficionado Robb Garbenhauer

Robb Garbenhauer wants to be the Twins' next manager.

Area Fan Doesn't Have Opinion on Derek Jeter

36

"I've always liked him, but I never got what the fuss was all about."

Twins 2015: At Least We're Not The Vikings

18

"NOT US, THEM! COME TO GUILT-FREE TARGET FIELD!"

Duensing: Don't Spoil Hunger Games For Me, Guys

28

"I'm just finishing Catching Fire. I hope Katniss makes it."

New Twins Survey Question EXCLUSIVE

43

After coming under fire earlier this week, the Twins are making some changes.

Punto Live Snake Challenge Ends in Tragedy, Bites

18

"I thought it would raise awareness of intensity and getting after it. In a way, it did. A horrible, horrible way."

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10

Coaches Meeting: Gardy Reads Twinkie Town

It can't end well.

Glen Perkins Selects "The Girl from Ipanema"

16

"I really enjoy bossa nova music. It's soothing, and helps me chuck heaters."

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20

Twenty-Five Shortstops

TawnyFroggy is tired of shortstops playing center field for the Twins. She wants them to play everywhere. EVERYWHERE. In this alternate reality, Tawny takes over as the Twins GM for 2014.

GUEST COLUMN: Find The Jade Idol, by Terry Ryan

12

In a guest column, the Twins longtime GM says Saturday's starting pitcher depends on you finding a hidden gem.

Mauer Workshopping New Expression of Mild Approval

17

Is "pretty neat deal" on the block?

May, Meyer Call-Ups Hinge on Ancient Riddles

21

The Twins defended their process, while news surfaced of a secret quiz of ancient riddles.

Marlins Present Card, $20 to Retiring Jeter

17

"Don't spend it all in one place!"

A.J. Pierzynski Released By Long Island Chili's

14

"We wish him the best in his future endeavors."

Gardenhire: Morrissey Needs to Man Up

9

The Twins manager speaks his mind about the British alt-rock legend's string of cancellations.

Josh Willingham's Flood Tips

9

The Twins slugger shares his suggestions for coping with the rising waters throughout Minnesota

A non-analysis of what's wrong with Joe Mauer

32

What in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is wrong with Joe? Myjah takes a mildly closer look.

"Freaky Friday" Antics Affect Verlander, Hughes

17

Sudden career reversals for both players may be explained by a spooky incident at a Miami hotel's haunted bathroom fixture.

Area Clod Wants to Know What You Think About Mauer

32

Classic north metro shit-for-brains Tom Hanson has had the same opinion about Joe Mauer for 10 years and two months. And now that it's finally correct, he wants you to know about it.

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Scenes from the Dead Zone . . .

"Eh, it’s like Gaetti all over again. All "feelings," and "boo-hoo." Are you getting religion or something?"

The Other Things Aaron Hicks is Giving Up

23

The struggling Twins outfielder gave up switch-hitting earlier this week. He's not stopping there.

Equine Nasal Strips Fail to Spur Mauer Hot Streak

15

The nasal strips have already been discarded, but not before a frightening pinata incident.

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