Satire, Irreverence, & Other Humor

Mauer Continues Silence on Cattle Mutilations

"I'm not saying he's the one doing it, but has he ever denied it, even once? Funny. Draw your own conclusions."

Investigation Launched Into Thursday's Game

So THAT is why Thursday's game between the White Sox and Twins was so ridiculously entertaining.

"Small Sample Size" Lifts Twins Fan's Spirits

"It's good to have things that are constant, things that don't ever change."

Office Crossfit Guy Solves Twins Problems

Will the popular exercise regimen really help the Twins in 2014? One local bro thinks so.

2014 Minnesota Twins Rain Delay Programming

From April blizzards to September monsoons, FSN has you covered.

Rep. Pat Garofalo Apologizes for his 2014 Preview

This was not unexpected.

Rep. Pat Garofalo Previews the 2014 Twins

You've read his thoughts on the NBA. Now read Rep. Garofalo's thoughts on what the season has in store for your Minnesota Twins

All Twins Throwing Arms Fall Off in Mystery Plague

"Yep, that's about right."

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Santana Not In Mid-Season Form, Sports World Reels

What did people expect to see from Johan Santana at this point? Apparently, more than they should have.

Twins Officials: We Thought It Would Be Worse

Team sources admit they're surprised that the season hasn't gone off the goddamn rails already.

Rejected Twins Valentine's Day Cards Unveiled

The Twins tried to monetize the personalities of their players over the big love holiday last weekend. Twinkie Town was able to secure samples of these cards.

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Pitchers and Catchers Report for Spring Training

Twins eliminated from playoff contention?

Death Toll from Jeter's Retirement Riot Mounts

The aftermath of the battle between "We're going to boo Jeter" and "You can't boo Jeter" forces has overwhelmed Twin Cities hospitals.

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Why was Andrew Albers really sent to the KBO?

Boot transcribes a conversation overheard between Twins GM Terry Ryan and former right-handed Twins pitcher Andrew Albers.

T.C. heads to Spring Training

This is a video of T.C. Bear getting ready for Spring Training. There, happy now SBN?

Slouching Towards Target Field

Baseball Prospectus asked the late poet William Butler Yeats to preview the Minnesota Twins for their 2014 edition. His submission was deemed "weirder than balls" so they had Gleeman write it up instead. Here is the rejected preview.

Metrodome Lashes Out at Twins in Final Interview

In an exclusive TwinkieTown interview, the multi-purpose stadium speaks bluntly and profanely about its time with the Twins.

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Scenes from an Offseason: A New Hope

Wayback commissions the latest in the Scenes from an Offseason anthology, in which Gardy pays a visit to an isolated building in the middle of nowhere.

Ron Davis: Mets Screw Up, Still Won't Apologize

In an interview with the New York Daily News, the former Twin talked about Ike's situation, did not say "I'm sorry, Stu" once. Some typical Ron Davis BULLSHIT.

TC Bear Mauls 8 at Marshall Pizza Ranch

"We said 'Never again' after the Great Fergus Falls Massacre of '09. We were wrong."

Ford Looks Forward to Single HOF Vote in 2017

He hopes to join former teammate Jacque Jones in the exclusive "one and done" club.

Mauer: Position Switch Due to Anti-2% Milk Bias

"I don't like skim milk. It's watery."

BREAKING: "Joe Mauer Nice" a Real Thing

Sometimes the news fans want creates itself.

Exclusive: Minnesota Twins Reveal 2014 Resolutions

Want to know what the Twins are resolving to do in the coming year? Twinkie Town has an "exclusive."

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