Ten Facts About Mike Redmond

Reminds me of chuck Norris jokes, good stuff.  Why not a couple more?

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• Baserunners don't steal off of Mike Redmond.  Mike Redmond gives them the bases to make the game more interesting.
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• The postgame spreads are actually just for Mike Redmond, but he's a good teammate so he shares
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• Mike Redmond doesn't hit home runs because, as he always says, "winner single."
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• When Mike Redmond wants to work out he doesn't lift weights.  He goes stands on home plate and throws the bullpen catcher into right field for a couple hours then wrestles with a moose.
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• Mike redmond doesn't get passed balls.  Those are the lucky one she decided to let go.
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• Mike Redmond invented the jockstrap
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• Mike Redmond doesn't block the plate, he hides it in a concrete bunker of badass
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• The last time someone collided with Mike Redmond at the plate, they went and crawled up under a porch and quietly died.
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• It is a little known fact that Mike Redmond does not actually own slaves.  They are actually called "enemy pitchers with runners on base."
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• The last time Mike Redmond disareed with an umpire's call, he glared at the umpire until his body collapsed in on itself and the crew chief reversed the call.
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• Mike Redmond is actually Derek Jeter's father.  When asked about this, Derek said "I guess that makes sense, I had to get it from somewhere."
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• One time Mike redmond went on the diabled list and all his teammates already on the DL were able to play the very next day.  No list Mike Redmond is on has hurt people on it.
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• Mike Redmond frequently swims with Piranhas.  They were so impressed that they decided to elarn to play baseball too.
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• Mike Redmond doesn't block balls in the dirt, the ball makes damn sure it hits Mike Redmond.
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• Mike Redmond usually has to cut hmself with a razor and have his teammates hit him with rocks after games because he doesn't feel like he got beat up enough.
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