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Happy Holidays

Whether you're waiting for a fat man in a red suit, lighting a bunch of candles, spending time with family or just enjoying a couple days off from work...Happy Holidays to everyone.

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the clubhouse,
not a player was stirring
not even Nicky the mouse.

All the gloves were hung
in the lockers with care,
in hopes that a power hitter
would give the lineup flair.

Lew Ford snored, cheeks rosy red
as visions of Dungeons and Dragons danced in his head.
Morneau in his Canadian kerchief, and Torii in canted hat
had just settled down for an offseason's nap,
when out in the bullpen
there arose such a clatter,
they sprang from the locker room to see what was the matter!

Away to the field Torii flew like a flash,
pausing just a moment to watch Gardy trim his stash.
Dome lights flooded the stadium and 1-year old turf
giving the luster of artifical lighting to...the...1-year old turf.

When, what to Morneau's dead-pan eyes should appear
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer!
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
all Twins new in a moment it must be St. Nick!

More rapid than Luis Castillo his coursers they came,
and he whistled, and shouted, and he called them by name:
"Now, Kirby! Now, Herbie! Now, Frankie and Killebrew!
Now, Bert! Now, Tony! Now, Morris and Carew!
To the top of the plexi-glass, oops I mean the top of the wall,
dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

And then, in a twinkling, all heard on the turf
The prancing and pawing of the reindeer on...turf.
As Rincon drew in Mauer's hand, and they gave up their ground,
off the sleigh came St. Nick with a bound.

He was dressed in a Twins jersey, from '77 and baby blue,
it was a little tight around the middle but at his age what could he do?
A gear-bag of stuff he had flung on his back,
looking like a bat boy with a beard and no ac(ne).

His eyes, how they twinkled!  His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth smelled of a root-beer float,
and the beard of his chin was as white as Gardy's goat.
The stump of a pencil he held in his teeth,
the remnant of score-cards circled his cap like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a Matty-sized belly
that shook when he laughed, like a bowl-full of jelly.

He was quite the Twins fan,
but in spite of himself
Nicky began to giggle,
and Santa mistook him for an elf.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
and little Punto sighed and tossed out the bread.
Nicky spoke not a word, doing all of Santa's work.
"I hope I'm not an elf forever!" he thought, feeling like a jerk.
Finally in Santa's last gear-bag,
Punto pulled out Denny Reyes and a "2006 World Champions" flag!

Laying a finger aside of his nose,
Santa thought better of it since he has a hanky for blows.
He sprang to his sleigh and gave his team a whistle,
and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

They burst through the roof, but as he flew out of sight,
all heard him exclaim "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"