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Pitchers Wanted

By Jesse Lund

If you have an arm, you too could soon be pitching for a Major League baseball team!  The Minnesota Twins, in the most creative and out-of-the-box PR move since sideburns, are now offering walk-on auditions for anyone who can tell which direction home plate is.  That's right:  YOU COULD BE A MINNESOTA TWIN!

Just for trying out, you get:

  1. A free buzz cut!
  2. Free sideburns!
  3. A minor league pitcher of your choice as your personal bodyguard!
  4. Matt LeCroy will be Santa Claus at your next family Christmas/Ramadan/Hanukah/Religious Holiday of Choice!
  5. Did we mention the FREE SIDEBURNS?
Do you have the moxi?  Do you have an arm?  Are you not blind (medically)?  THIS COULD BE YOUR CHANCE!

If you or anyone you know can pitch, and aren't Matt Garza or Kevin Slowey, call 1-800-I-PITCH-OK.  You could be the next Joe Mauer!*

* You will not be the next Joe Mauer

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