Memo Re: Michael Cuddyer
Dear MLB Franchise,
It has come to our attention over the course of the year that a certain outfielder playing for the Minnesota Twins has a cannon; we aren't talking about Torii Hunter (although his arm isn't bad either). After some debate over whether the arm was truly a 'cannon' and not a 'missile launcher', a vote was taken and the results were nearly unanimous: Michael Cuddyer's arm is a cannon.
We realize that appearances are deceiving, and that the Minnesota right fielder often carries an expression which could aptly be described as "sleepy". Be warned, however, that Cuddyer is not tired. He's angry.
On Tuesday night, Cuddyer added again to his outfield assist tally. Certainly he isn't the most athletic fielder, but he plays the baggy extremely well and has a very quick release. In fact, considering any responsible franchise should have a recent and accurate scouting report, it's surprising how many runners have been willing to test Michael on what we would dub "stretch doubles". He would just as soon finish a long night of DJing with 2 Unlimited's "Get Ready" as throw out a base runner...and he loves 2 Unlimited.
Indeed, Mr. Cuddyer's arm shouldn't just keep your runners from attempting to turn a single into a double. We also advise extreme caution when sending a runner to third base or to home plate on any ball hit to right field against the Twins. Unless you're Ichiro. Or someone really fast like he is.
In summary, beloved major league franchise, our advice is this: Advance With Caution, Run At Your Own Risk. Cuddyer carries a cannon, and he isn't afraid to use it.
Major League Baseball