I guess there's something that Joe Mauer can't do.
The Twins catcher failed to get out of the first round of the Home Run Derby, tying with Carlos Pena and Albert Pujols with five home runs in the first round. This sent the three to a "swing-off," where each hitter got five swings - and Mauer bowed out, failing to hit a single home run.
Mauer started strong, hitting long home runs to right field with each of his first two swings, but cooled off thereafter. Almost all of his "outs" were line drives down the right field line, except for one soft dribbler to the right side that earned an immediate and joyful razzing from the bench.
Despite predictions to the contrary, Mauer also hit zero singles up the middle, didn't hit a single ball to left field, and failed to lay down a bunt to keep the 45 youngsters in the outfield honest.
In the swing-off, Mauer came close, driving one ball off of the wall in dead center field, but could not lift one over the fence.
And, to the worriers among you, take note: Mauer took a grand total of 20 swings in the contest. That's about one round of batting practice. If you were worried about him screwing up his swing, you should also show up prior to the game and yell at him from the stands every time he lifts the ball into the right-field seats at the Metrodome.
Brewers first baseman and gigantic-pants enthusiast Prince Fielder won the title, defeating Texas's Nelson Cruz in the final round.