David Ortiz used steroids???  What?

The New York Times is reporting that David Ortiz tested positive for steroids in 2003.  This is shocking!  David Ortiz?  The guy who the Twins cut in 2002?  The player, as the Twins Geek used to say, who the Twins could not trade for a warm bucket of spit? (gross visual)  The man who was constantly hurt, 30 pounds lighter, and looked to be finished?  I thought he blossomed, as he claimed, because he was finally away from those mean old coaches in Minnesota who wanted him to hit the other way?   

It sure was strange that Ortiz's numbers plummeted when testing became more stringent.  He must have lost his hook-up to those mysterious "protein shakes" he admitted to drinking.  After all, as Ortiz claimed, the testing was biased against Latin players because they did not understand what they were putting in their bodies.  They only read Latin, and steroids are labeled in English and Spanish.

Personally, I owe an apology to Terry Ryan and Tom Kelly.  I thought they blew it with Ortiz.  Turns out, they just failed to send him to the right street pharmacist.