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Jamie Quirk Is Trying To Break Your Heart

For those unfamiliar, yours truly is not just Twinkie Town's Friday Daddy, but also does some scrappy, Punto-esque work at the Star-Tribune's RandBall sports blog, where I'm tasked with hunting down sports figures from Minnesota's past to see where they are now.  My most recent quarry was Jamie Quirk, who 25 years ago this Sunday homered in his only career at-bat for the Cleveland Indians, dashing the playoff dreams of the 1984 Minnesota Twins.  Thanks again for ruining my childhood, Ron Davis!

Anyway, it led me to thinking about who was potentially going to play the Jamie Quirk role for the 2009 Twins.  My guesses, along with those of the RandBall commentariat are as follows:

  • Zack Greinke.  He is the best pitcher in baseball.  He, not Derek Jeter, should be the name mentioned as competition for Joe Mauer in the MVP race, and should be a mortal lock for the AL Cy Young.  After being fortunate enough to duck him the whole season, the Twins draw him twice in the next ten days.  That is suboptimal for your favorite team's playoff hopes.
  • Curtis Granderson.  77 career games vs the Twins: 14 HR, 34 RBI, OPS of .911.  I'm surprised the numbers are that low, to be honest.
  • Don Kelly.  The defensive replacement who cost the Tigers last Saturday's game.  RandBall reader David Minnesota says, "It'll be a fitting karmic [redacted]-kicker when he hits a ninth inning walk-off off Nathan in the fourth game of the series to knock the Twins out of the race."
  • Adam Everett.  As RandBall regular jamax2 observes, "Adam Everett will ruin not one but two Twins seasons." 
  • Mark Teahen.  becker22, the sharpest RandBall commenter and a proud American, calls the shot: "8:47 p.m. 3 October 2009. Mark Teahen three-run HR off Jesse Crain. Mark it down. I can feel it. Down in my plums. They got a nice bluish hue. I'm getting ready to take them down to the Farmer’s Market."

So, who kills the 2009 Twins dead?  A stud like Greinke, the nondescript Everett, or some September call-up that only roger13 has heard of?  Speculate away.  If it helps, remember that mentioning that player's name jinxes them from actually doing so and leads to a pennant for the Minnesota Twins.