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Indians Beat Twins: A British Perspective

Since meeting Jesse four years ago, I have found myself dragged further and further into the world of baseball. To be honest, I don't really understand most of it and am definitely a reluctant learner.

Jesse's latest plan to get me interested is to allow me to write his game recap. I'm not really sure if he wanted to get me more interested, see how much I've already learnt or just give everyone a laugh at my lack of understanding. Either way, I accepted the challenge and the result is this, rather disjointed and uninformative game recap! Enjoy!

1st Inning:

Joe Mauer – Yay! I get excited everytime I see Joe Mauer, purely for the reason that he’s the only Twin I recognise.

Now they’re talking about this great pitch that Huff will need to use to beat the left handers…. To me it looks just the same as all the other pitches – even when they slow it down and explain it – I obviously have a lot to learn.

Now Joe’s out. This makes me sad.

So now Twins will be pitching (in England we would call this bowling, pitching is what you do to a tent).

Why do these men wiggle their leg before throwing the ball? I am yet to understand how this wiggle helps with their pitching. Though at the moment it seems to be working for Blackburn.

Nick Punto threw a guy out… (you’re probably seeing by now that this report will not be very technical).

OUCH – I think that guy just broke his toe. Looks painful! I don’t know who it is, his name isn’t on his shirt. If it helps, he’s number 13.

Kubel just caught someone out. I should be pleased but at the moment I’m more interested by the grass – I still don’t really understand how they get those stripes in the grass. It looks pretty but I can’t ever manage to get the grass in my garden to look stripey. This makes me sad again. Let’s hope the second inning cheers me up (it would help if something actually happens).


2nd Inning:

Number 58 is pitching (why don’t they have the names on their shirts? It’s very inconsiderate. Stupid Cleveland!)

I have come to the conclusion that Twins need to do some intensive sprint training… If they could just get to first base without getting out I’d find this game a lot more interesting.

Nice beard dude! (Jesse informs me that this is Kubel. He says I should call him Patches because of the beard…. I don’t feel that I know him well enough yet for this kind of familiarity). Kubel hit it a long way… but he got caught out anyway. Bad luck. Nevermind. One more left before we’re pitching (not the tent kind) again.

Twins also need to practise hitting the ball forward. I feel that this would be useful. Hurrah!!! Someone’s on base (though they got walked, so not anything interesting for the audience yet).

Once again…. Too slow to get to first base. Twins – either learn to hit further or run faster.  (At this point the adverts between innings are more interesting than the actual game).

We are now pitching… Another nameless Indian is batting. If they can’t be bothered to put their names on their shirts then I’m not going to bother referring to them by anything other than a number. It makes my life easier (and allows my husband to enjoy the game without having to constantly answer my questions. This makes him happy).

Jesse’s shouting at the TV – I think he thinks something should have been a strike when it wasn’t…. It’s hard to work out exactly what the problem was as I don’t actually understand much of baseball.

A fighter jet just came over the stadium. So far this is probably the highlight of the game for those at the game.

Jesse says ‘Nice Pitch’ and then something about a curveball…. I’ll take his word for it as, once again, I fail to see the difference between this pitch and every other one thrown in the game so far.

And now the latest nameless Indian is out…. On to Inning 3.

3rd Inning:

Hey – that’s Gomez batting now! I recognise him too. I obviously have taken more in than I realised. He’s just got walked…. Another thrilling moment in this game. I can totally understand why Jesse likes to watch this for hours.

Punto is out – but he did a great dive. It was pretty impressive though I bet his outfit is filthy now. I was actually interested in what was happening and Punto should be commended for this. Well done. (Jesse has just explained that people can’t stand Punto’s dives… I don’t care. I still say it’s been the most interesting thing to watch so far this game).

Everyone’s out – double play and we’re finished batting…. Again.

Here comes Cleveland. Number 28 is batting and his bat co-ordinates nicely with his outfit. It’s a shame he has blue and black gloves on; a red pair would have complemented his top much more effectively. He’s out now. I bet that wouldn’t have happened if he’d have thought more carefully about his wardrobe choices

It would appear that Blackburn woke up too late to bother shaving this morning. Not exactly a great representative for his team… I think it just shows laziness. Perhaps this is why he keeps throwing balls… he’s just too lazy to throw the ball properly.

4th Inning:

I think MLB needs to employ some new face painters for each team. The black face paint shows a real lack of imagination… It wouldn’t be that hard to have a tiger, or lizard or something. The kids would love it!! Hell – I’d love it. Just imagine the excitement of ‘What will Punto be today?’ That would definitely liven up the game for those of us who… well…. Don’t really get the more technical aspects.

YAY – Joe’s back. Oh dear - He got caught out by a guy with mirrored sunglasses (number 1). That’s a shame.

Another walk, this time it’s Morneau. I wonder if he’ll get any further… if the other innings are anything to go by; probably not. I stand corrected – Kubel just got walked as well. Well, at least if we can’t do anything well, we can rely on the other team’s incompetence to move us on. It would appear, at this point, that Huff sucks.

No scoring for Twins… Cleveland are batting.

Jesse says the Umpire sucks… I have no idea on this opinion. I just want something interesting to happen soon.

5th Inning:

Nearly halfway through the game and I haven’t fallen asleep yet (though I can’t tell a lie; there have been some yawns). This is progress.

Harris is wearing long socks… I’m not really sure why. I’m pretty sure the other batters haven’t been making the same fashion statement. And he’s caught out (when he was actually on 3-1). Even I can work out that he probably should have gone for the walk – with Huff’s record so far this game it would have been pretty likely.

Punto is up now. He hit it and it’s a fair ball (over first base). Punto makes it to second base and all of the Twins fan breathe a (somewhat shocked) sigh of relief.

OH MY GOSH!!! WE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SCORE!!!! Punto runs in, Span is on second base. I’m actually interested in the game again. Cabrera gets caught out though and we’re on to the bottom of the fifth.

So here come Cleveland again. Span just made a pretty good catch… I was impressed. Gomez just caught number 25 out…. Onto the sixth.

6th Inning:

I was NOT excited in any way, shape or form, by that inning! Come on Twins, do something soon please.

Cleveland (well number 23) are on first base, even though his bat shattered. Number 13 is out, but number 23 got to second base. If he manages to creep his way around and level the score I will not be pleased.

As if reading my mind, number 2 hits the ball, allowing number 23 to make it round and tie the game. Typical. Now there’s another hit and the Indians have people on first and third. Listening to the commentators, I get the idea that Gomez did pretty well to stop the possibility of another run. But, to be honest, I haven’t a clue what they’re talking about.

Perhaps Blackburn is getting tired, but this inning isn’t looking so great…. And now Crain looks like he’s warming up. I don’t think I’ve heard of him.

Gomez makes a good catch and, once again, we all breathe a sigh of relief. Let’s hope we can play better in the seventh.

7th Inning:

I’m bored. I’ve decided I’ll only write now if something interesting happens.

Harris gets on base because of the incompetence of Indians number 2. This isn’t that interesting but I figure for those of you that care, it’s probably important.

Uh oh – Indians just got another run and Cuddyer had to chase a guy. Quite exciting, until I realised that he dropped the ball… How hard can it possibly be to hold a ball? Jesse is not happy – the tone of his voice tells me this. From my point of view, that all looked pretty rubbish.

8th Inning:

Joe Mauer gets a base hit. But that’s about all that happened in the top of this inning.

Crain has just arrived to try and get the last out of the inning. And he starts with a ball…. Great.

Cleveland hits it…. And they’re out. The end of another brilliant inning (can you hear my sarcasm in America?)

9th Inning:

The game is over. We lose. Well… that sucked.

So, I have come to the conclusion that I would enjoy baseball much more if it was only four innings long. Strangely enough, rounders (the British version of Baseball) is only two innings long. Perhaps that’s why British people prefer it? Or it could be that it’s a game played by girls wearing ridiculously short skirts? You’d have to ask around…

Thinking about it…. Maybe the Twins would be more successful if Baseball didn’t have so many innings. It would certainly stop ridiculous events like the game against Chicago last week.

I really wanted to stay interested for the whole game. I tried really hard. I actually thought Jesse was joking when he said I could do this and when he said I really should do it, I hoped to do a good job. But, as it turns out, my attention span just isn’t suited to this sport. Who knows, maybe the more I watch it the better it will get. Maybe this was just a particularly boring game…. Hopefully at some point in the future MLB will take my face-painting suggestion and then I will definitely watch every game!