I Demand a Ron Gardenhire Twitter Account

As you may be aware, Ozzie Guillen is on the Twitter.  Ken Williams ("No comment…and make sure you write that it is a no comment with a head shake from side to side") sounds like he is already on Joe Don Baker's Pepto-and-whiskey diet from Cape Fear, and I fully expect this to destroy the White Sox organization faster than if they brought back their 1970s shorts jerseys (pictured).

However, it does make me yearn for Ron Gardenhire to follow the lead of Pat Neshek and Denard Span and try his hand at the Twitter.  After all, Gardy also has a temper, and isn't shy about expressing his opinion (see also: Wendelstedt, Hunter) even when holding his tongue would be the better course of action for his wallet.    I imagine it would look something like this:

getafteritgardy:  hey guys, I'm on the damn Twitter now.   @thisisdspan and @PatNeshek talked me into it. 

thisisdspan: @getafteritgardy awesome!  You talk Andy into signing up yet?

getafteritgardy: @thisisdspan nah, he's busy combing his spring mustache, and now Mijares says he won't pitch at home till Dome Dogs R back LOL.

lewfordthewise: hey, @getafteritgardy, if ur not 2 busy, can you put in a good word for me w/Cincy? 

getafteritgardy: @lewfordthewise WTF u pull yourselff away from Warcraft world to get to spring training? SMH

poutineanddingers: sup guys, it's Morneau.  Looking 2 take some swings this wknd, anyone around?

PatNeshek: no way, dude.  Im only pitching 2 u in August and September LOL.

poutineanddingers: STFU

getafteritgardy: @PatNeshek @poutineanddingers knock it off, idiots. 

thisisdspan:  holy s---, you guys get a look at Delmon yet?  Dude looks like Jenny Craig ROFL.

thebeardabides: The Beard likes what it sees.  Still runs like he's tiptoeing thru a minefield tho

thisisdspan: you makin fun of someone else running, Kubel?  HAHAHAHAHA

thebeardabides: The Beard doesn't appreciate your attempt at humor.  The Beard has a long memory.

thisisdspan: whatevs

getafteritgardy: alright guys, that's enough of that horsecrap.  @ozzieguillen just asked me if I had wrestlemania tix, anyone got any?

LNPGETMONEYGETPAID: SURE THING, BOSS!  YOU WANT SOME, BOSS?

getafteritgardy: whoa, settle down, Nicky. 

LNPGETMONEYGETPAID: SORRY BOSS, JUST KEYED UP FOR THE SEASON!  LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

getafteritgardy: judas priest.