Fear not, hot dog lovers; the team has finally announced its sausage selection for the new ballpark. Beyond Northeast Minneapolis institution Kramarczuk's specialty stands, the team will offer four types of Minnesota-made Schweigert dogs at the park. They are:
The Original Twins Dog. Made from the same recipe used at Metropolitan Stadium, which the team says is a "combination of pork and beef," but we all know is a blend of pork, venison, Slim Jims, Grain Belt, and Norm Van Brocklin's sweat. Will be served everywhere in the park.
- The Twins Big Dog. Quarter-pound, all-beef, and meant to replace the Dome Dog. Will be served from portable grills and at "select concessions stands," and let us pray that your concessions stand is selected.
- The Dugout Dog. An old-fashioned dog in a natural casing. Will be sold by "retro-attired" vendors in the stands, which presumably means that you can look forward to buying from a vendor dressed like this or this.
- The Dinger Dog. An "extra-long" dog, available only from "Hennepin Grille" locations at the park, whatever that means. You will have to submit the results from your latest visit to your cardiologist before being cleared to purchase. Also requires a background check and a waiting period.
Dollar-a-Dog Days also make the trip across town, albeit on Mondays instead of Wednesdays, and with the exception of Opening Day. Cynics like me will note that Monday is the most common day off, and in fact there are only five Monday home games apart from Opening Day this season. I guess they couldn't offer this promotion on a more common day, like on Tuesday afternoon games only, or just on February 29th.
Xcel Energy Center cuisine watchers also note that the Schweigert's kielbasa appears not to be making an appearance, which is likely for the best, given that the kielbasa is basically half a ring sausage stuffed into a loaf of French bread.