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50 Years, 50 Names, Part II

(In honor of the Twins' 50th Anniversary, I've pored over the rosters of all 50 teams and determined the best baseball name on each one. There are two rules: no repeat winners, and the victor is completely arbitrary. Enjoy.)

(Part I is here.)

(No, I don't know who's healthy for tonight, either. Will update throughout the day.)

1986: Frank Pastore. Allegedly hosts the largest Christian radio talk show in the country and can eat a 72-oz. steak in under ten minutes. Huh.

1987: Joe Klink. All apologies to Dan Schatzeder, but onomatopoeia is worth double.

1988: Tippy Martinez. Self-explanatory.

1989: Randy St. Claire. No relation to Corky.

1990: Fred Manrique

1991: Junior Ortiz. Ortiz has a World Series ring. Ryne Sandberg does not, because screw Cubs fans, that's why.

1992: Mauro Gozzo. Two games pitched, ERA of 27.00. He gets the middle innings tonight.

1993: Mike Maksudian. Maksudian (mak-SOO-dee-en), noun; term for when baseball team lapses from contender to also-ran. Ex: "The Cleveland Indians' sudden Maksudian came as no surprise to the franchise's long-suffering fans."

1994: Jeff Reboulet. Every generation gets the Rob Wilfong they deserve.

1995: Vince Horsman. No, I don't remember him, either.

The controversial finale is after the jump:

1996: Dan Serafini

1997: Scott Stahoviak. Stahoviak (stuh-HO-vee-ack), noun; term for when baseball team lapses from also-ran to laughingstock. Ex: "The persistent presence of Scott Aldred in the starting rotation signaled the start of a Stahoviak that would last until 2001."

1998: Jon Shave. Toughest choice of Part II, but verb trumps religion, Travis Baptist.

1999: Midre Cummings

2000: Jay Canizaro. He played 102 games for the Twins that season. We have it SO GOOD right now.

2001: Quinton McCracken. He wins the title of Most Likely Twin to Have His Name in a Filthy Limerick, all due apologies to Rusty Kuntz.

2002: Tony Fiore. Fiore won 10 games in 2002. His go-to pitch was a palmball. My repeated demands for FSN to do a documentary on this have so far gone unheard.

2003: Todd Sears. A wealthy gadabout who was the heir to the Sears department store fortune, Sears often played games with a monocle, spats, and cigarette holder.

2004: Terry Tiffee

2005: Corky Miller. Grown men still going by Corky as of five years ago. Wouldn't have figured that.

2006: Josh Rabe. The Twins' utilization of both Rabe and Brian Raabe indicates that Elizabethton's Kenneth Raaabe is on the fast track to the bigs.

2007: Carmen Cali.

2008: Mike Lamb. TwinkieTown's Jon Marthaler still holds a mysterious grudge against him. No one knows why. (Actually, it was because Mike Lamb was useless.)

2009: Armando Gabino. He's got the 8th tonight.

2010: Trevor Plouffe. Hey, it's almost onomatopoeia.