Cuddyer's Gone, Willingham's Here, and All Your Minor League Free Agents Are Belong to Us (UPDATE 9:45 am)

Here's what we know as of Friday AM:

• Michael Cuddyer: Jon Heyman is reporting that he gone. (UPDATE: Heyman also reporting that it's three years, $31.5 million. Whoa.) Yesterday, it seemed that there was a legitimate possibility that the Twins would bring the much-loved veteran back. Now, reality seems to have set in (a defensive outfield with Josh Willingham and Michael Cuddyer + no upgrades to the starting staff = Benny Hill theme), and the Denver Post is reporting that the Colorado Rockies "are increasingly confident" that they will sign him. The numbers are alleged to be three years, $27 million. He will be missed, but the Twins got a roughly comparable outfielder (Parker thinks he's better than comparable) for less money plus draft picks. I wholeheartedly endorse this move, thus assuring that it'll probably end up being wrong, because I'm dumb.
  

• All of the minor-league free agents: we’ve got ‘em. It’s clear that the organization doesn’t want Rochester to be an embarrassment for a third year running, so they’ve gone out and signed 7439 free agents to minor league deals. The most notable names, besides one of the Two Renes (Rivera, in this case) are former prized prospects Steve Pearce, J.R. Towles and Sean Burroughs.

• Josh Willingham: officially signed. His wife even bought their kids some Twins gear, so it’s serious now.

• Bill Smith: re-titled. Although speculation in the comments sections of Twins blogs was that his new title would be "Big Dumb Stupidhead," Joe C. reports that Smith is now Assistant to the President and General Manager. Twinkie Town has not been able to confirm if he will be wearing a shirt or not in his new role with the team.