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Remarkably Uninformed Preview 2011: Detroit Tigers

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(Over the next four weeks, Twinkie Town's RandBall's Stu will take a look at the four teams trying to snatch the AL Central crown from your Minnesota Twins. They will be neither thorough nor terribly accurate, and probably contain at least one sentence that SB Nation's lawyers will have to defend in court on the grounds that accusations of booger-eating are protected speech. Really should have done what Dad said and gone to med school, barrister.)

Who: Detroit Tigers

Last Year's Record: 81-81

Projected 2011 Record: maybe a little better? Sure, let's go with that.

Key Additions: Victor Martinez, Phil Coke, Brad Penny

Key Departures: Johnny Damon, Jeremy Bonderman, Armando Galarraga

Ryan Raburn's Favorite Belle & Sebastian Album: If You're Feeling Sinister. Obvious choice, Raburn. I bet you like the Heat and the Cowboys, too.

Outlook: the Tigers last won the World Series in 1984, which coincided with the prime of Magnum, P.I., one of the finest television shows in the history of America and the world. The lead character, Thomas Magnum, sported a glorious mustache, a fine thicket of chest hair, and an ever-present Detroit Tigers ball cap. Since it left the air in 1988, the Tigers haven't won a single title. This is not a coincidence, and until someone brings back Magnum, expect their championship drought to continue. (Note: the lack of new Magnum episodes is not to blame for Detroit's economic struggles and horrible urban blight. Those are on Matt Millen.) In conclusion: Selleck Waterfall Sandwich.

Other Items of Interest:

  • Don't You Know Who I Am? Dept.: Jesus, I hope Miguel Cabrera gets the help he needs.
  • Joel Zumaya may miss the season opener. But he finally finished "Devil Went Down to Georgia" on Expert Level, so there's that.
  • If you're not reading Jon Bois's Letters from Spring Training over at mom and dad's house, you are a bad person. His Tigers entry is the best one yet.
  • Speaking of Jim Leyland, he's in midseason form.
  • If you haven't yet, take some time to read Amy K. Nelson's story on Jim Joyce and the aftermath of his blown call that cost former Tiger Armando Galarraga a perfect game.