"You can tweet that. Just tweet it. You don’t even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet." --Ron Gardenhire
If there's been one constant from the Twins skipper this spring, it's been his daily quotes to Twins beat reporters referencing Twitter, the internet, a series of tubes, etc. These things seem to be said in the vein of someone who is overwhelmed by all the new-fangled technology out there. In other words, Ron Gardenhire is your parents. Here are some other things that he just doesn't get:
- The waffle station in the hotel's continental breakfast area.
- David Bowie's Berlin trilogy
- Kegel exercises
- Everyday low prices at Wal-Mart
- Edamame
- Willie Tyler & Lester
- Pulp-free orange juice ("Where did the pulp GO?")
- Cell phones
- Modems
- Fax Machines
- Mimeographs
- Calligraphy
- Voice Mail
- The term "snail mail" being a metaphor, not an actual thing
- The fact that there are two Battlestar Galacticas. ("Which one had Robbie the Robot? I liked that one.")
- Kevin Slowey
- Oxford commas
- Jugglers
- Mimes
- Street magicians
- Human statuary ("I bet they went to grad school for this.")
- Flash mobs
- Skinny ties
- That funny-dancin' Irish fella
- Sushi
- Monroe, the flamboyant neighbor on Too Close for Comfort ("He's always just showin' up unannounced.")
- Lawn gnomes
- The New York Yankees
- Grunge
- Garage
- Chillwave
- New Wave
- Grime
- Dubstep
- Scarves
- The art of Jackson Pollock ("Chrysler, it's just a bunch of dots.")
- Beer that doesn't come in can form
- MP3s
- MP3 players
- BABIP
- UZR
- OPS
- OPS+
- Quarterback rating
- Plus/Minus
- John Hollinger's PER
- Barometers
- Aioli
- Morrissey
- The bloggers
- People with last names for first names ("Can't trust 'em. Look at my starting lineup, look at my rotation: not a one of 'em. I bet Kevin is someone's last name.")
- Karaoke bars
- Piano bars
- Daiquiri bars ("Judas Priest. Slushies.")
- Hunter Wendelstedt
- Gravity
- Why the restaurant sometimes gives you jelly to dip your jalapeno poppers in. ("If I wanted toast, I would've ordered toast. That's what jelly's for.")
- Not pitching to contact.
- Dogme 95
- The Pitchfork rating system. ("No way in hell that Kid A's is a 10.0. It's just bleeps and bloops. The Bends, now that's something.")
