All-New 2011 Twins Statistical Overview

As a complement to my original 2011 Twins Statistical Overview, here's a new version, complete with updated (but no less depressing) stats:

Pythagorean winning percentage
2011 Minnesota Twins: .281
1962 New York Mets: .313

Home runs
Justin Morneau: 1
Toby Gardenhire: 2

Minnesota Twins: 4
Jose Reyes: 6

Stolen bases
Minnesota Twins: 13
Michael Bourn: 13

Home runs
Curtis Granderson: 11
Last night's Twins starting lineup: 12

Intentional walks received
Minnesota Twins: 3
Billy Butler: 5

Drew Butera's OPS: .304
Rank in MLB if he were allowed to pretend his OPS were his batting average: 31st

Times hit by pitch
Minnesota Twins: 6
Carlos Quentin: 8
Serves him right: Yes

Juston Morneau: .561
Nick Punto: .593
2011 Minnesota Twins: .615
1899 Cleveland Spiders: .605
Nick Punto (career): .643

Minnesota Twins: 4.73
Bartolo Colon: 3.86

New York Yankees who would be leading the Twins in homers
Jorge Posada
Russell Martin
Mark Teixeira
Robinson Cano
Alex Rodriguez
Curtis Granderson
Brett Gardner

Brett Gardner? Really?

Michael Cuddyer: 4
Nick Punto: 6

Jose Bautista: 2.9
Minnesota Twins: 0.9
Denard Span: 1.6

Lefties facing Dusty Hughes: 1.035
Albert Pujols (career): 1.043
Dusty Hughes' role: Lefty specialist

Jose Bautista's slugging percentage: .773
Twins with an OPS over .773: 2 (Jason Kubel, Trevor Plouffe)

Francisco Liriano: 1.561
Philip Humber: 0.941

Statistical categories in which the Twins rank last in the AL
Home runs
Walks (batting)
On-base percentage
Slugging percentage
Total Bases
Runs allowed
Strikeouts (pitching)

Statistical categories in which the Twins rank first in the AL
Players named "Rene"