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Possible Upcoming Twins Headlines

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It's Monday, and it's an off day, so let's look forward to the headlines that I think we might be seeing this week:

Red Wings complain about Twins' callup policy
Specifically, they say, "Please stop sending us your injured, crappy stars, and give us back our Triple-A team"

Vegas takes Twins odds off the board
Sports books swamped with Twins fans who believe first 54 games were a fluke, last 11 were not

Cleveland fans regret trading awesome Indians season for Heat loss
"We're glad LeBron failed, but man, we miss when the Indians were good," say fans

Twins sign Michael Cuddyer to 45-year contract extension
Team looks forward to 45-year run of unexplainable winning streaks

Ben Revere: "I've been wearing the glove on the wrong hand"
Explains poor outfield arm, why outfielder hits left and throws right

Twins can't remember why Tsuyoshi Nishioka is here
Says Ron Gardenhire, "I want to say he's a righthanded setup man? Submariner, maybe? Is that right?"

Danny Valencia demoted, Twins retain Luke Hughes
Valencia latest victim of curse placed upon third base by a disgruntled Scott Stahoviak

Jim Hoey hasn't given up a run in four appearances
Yes, Virginia, miracles do happen