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Joe Mauer's Milk Power Rankings

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(Twins catcher Joe Mauer was kind of enough to rank his favorite kinds of milk for Twinkie Town. Thanks, Joe!)

1. 2% milk. Boy, what can you say about 2% milk that hasn't been said already? Cold, white, thick but not too thick. Put it on Wheaties or just in a glass, and it is so refreshing. I went to this dance club with Torii Hunter once, and when I ordered it at the bar, Torii and the bartender just looked at me like I was crazy. I'll tell you what's crazy: not having 2% milk.

2. Chocolate skim milk. I'm not a big fan of skim milk (see below LOL), but you flavor it with chocolate and wow, what a difference LOL. Thickens it up just enough. Can't put it on cereal, so it's probably never gonna be number one.

3. The remainder of a root beer float after the vanilla ice cream has melted. I know it's not technically milk, but seriously, you guys. I'm thinking of doing an entrepreneur thing when I retire, and it's just going to be just selling this stuff in bottles. I think I'm going to call it Root Beer Float Milk.

4. 1% milk. One time when I was growing up, Mom bought 1% by accident. That was probably as scared as I've ever been in my life, but now that I'm older, I realize that it wasn't that bad and made our family stronger. Wouldn't recommend it, but any port in a storm when you're looking for a decent, white milk.

5. Whole milk. The heavy stuff. Big White. The Ol' Thick 'n Rich. Cream City. Too extreme for me.

6. Any other flavored milk (strawberry, banana, etc.). Banana milk? Come on. That's just silly. My brother Jake says strawberry milk is BETTER than chocolate milk! My brother Jake manages A-ball. Enough said LOL!

7. Skim milk. I'm always looking for a nice, bland taste in my white milks, but this goes way too far in the other direction. I'll just put tap water in my 2% milk if I want skim milk LOL. Ripoff.