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Yet Another Minnesota Twins Injury Scorecard with Jokes

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(NOTE: apologies for the late posting this AM. Computers are dumb and stupid.)

Since the Twins are barely getting healthier, and since SB Nation's lawyers have told me that my "Sweet Drew Butera's Guide to an Explosive July 4th" piece was almost certainly libelous, let's run down the latest news on the many, many injured Twins.

  • Jason Kubel, Professional Hitter: Kubel tweaked his left foot while playing the field for Fort Myers last night and had to leave the game. The Strib has this quote from Twins VP and Friend of Twinkie Town (this is on his business card, haterz) Rob Antony, who was there: "He just got turned around and when he stepped on it, he felt it a little bit." Kubel called it a "little setback."
  • Kevin Slowey, Malcontent™: Slowey was the starting pitcher for Fort Myers last night. He didn't die, and will go to Rochester for his next assignment.
  • Denard Span: Joe C. says the concussed outfielder might take batting practice this weekend.
  • Delmon Young: despite the fact that it looked like he was going to have his leg amputated, he is scheduled to take BP and do some work in the outfield and Joe C. says he is on track to return on July 14th.
  • Justin Morneau: had the procedure on his neck performed yesterday. Doctors found traces of poutine and Gordon Lightfoot albums, but no other anomalies were reported.
  • Chuck James: no injury listed, but I assume he has to be hurt if he's in Rochester and Phil Dumatrait is up here.
  • Since our last update, Joe Mauer AND Jim Thome AND Tsuyoshi Nishioka AND Joe Nathan have all returned to action. That's something, right?

Am I missing anyone? I don't think I'm missing anyone. If I did, yell at me in the comments and I'll post an update, you ungrateful curs.