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Video: Celebrities Weigh In On Span Rumors

[Inspired by a comment from community member John_Locke]

Carla: Trading Denard Span for a relief pitcher is a good idea. I'm right, aren't I Dr. Cox?

JD: See, I'm not so sure I agree. Chocolate Bear and I were just talking about how we don't believe in valuing position players properly, especially when they're under contract for a few more years. And let me tell you, after an appletini or two I really felt like what you just told Carla might be wrong. I mean, c'mon Perry, admit it. Wouldn't trading Denard Span for a relief pitcher really be a good idea?

Toby: Hey, Michael. I just thought you'd like to know that the Nationals are interested in Denard Span, and they might be willing to offer a relief pitcher for him.

To top it all off, the Emperor played a dirty trick and told Darth Vader that the deal was already done, and that the Twins had traded Denard Span to the Washington Nationals for a relief pitcher. Of course, this made Span ineligible for Vader's AL-only fantasy baseball team.

After which he decided the only way to stop such a thing from ever happening again was to rule a galaxy made in his own image - a galaxy which he could control by building a space station disguised as a moon. He'd have to raise taxes of course, but that wouldn't be a problem, because there wasn't any federal government to shut itself down over how to balance the budget. No cost would be too high in order to ensure a deal like this never happened again...