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Joe Mauer's Anytime Fitness Commercial

Oh. My. Goodness.

"What? You think I'm too normal? Too wholesome? Too stable? Down-to-earth? Uncontroversial? 'Goody two-shoes?' Too polite? Seriously?"

"Yeah. I guess you're right." - JOE MAUER

Every athlete / pitchman must build his own personal brand. Some are edgy and hip. Joe Mauer's is based on blandness. He's the brand for those for whom whole milk is racy. For those who don't like hot dog commercials because they're too suggestive. For those who write indignant letters to the editors of Reader's Digest when an article uses a titillating medical term, such as "scapula."

I'm pretty much speechless. What deep, dark secret is Joe Mauer hiding that he feels the need to do commercials in which he makes a teddy bear wave to people?