We managed to get hold of a transcript of the phone call in which Bill Smith called Jim Hoey to discuss his return to the Twins. If it sounds vaguely similar to Elaine's sponge-worthy conversation, well, I don't know what to tell you. Other than this phone call actually happened. Obviously.
BILL SMITH: So, you think you’re September call-up worthy?
JIM HOEY: Yes, I think I’m September call-up worthy. I think I’m very September call-up worthy.
SMITH: (pauses) Run down your case for me again.
HOEY: Well I’ve been up to the Majors several times, Rick and I obviously have a good rapport. I own a fastball with pretty good velocity. I eat well, I exercise. PED tests? Immaculate. And if I can speak frankly, I’m actually quite good at it.
SMITH: (Sceptical) You gonna do something about your command?
HOEY: (Quickly) Yeah, yeah I told you. I’m gonna work on hitting my spots.
SMITH: And the patchy beard?
HOEY: I shaved it this morning.
SMITH: Uh huh. The chin, the sideburns, everything got shaved?
SMITH: Uh huh.
HOEY: My face is hairless.
SMITH: (Not seeing much choice) Alright, let’s do this.