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We have reached the point in baseball's off-season where finding things to write about is a nightmare when there are no roster moves. Put another way: we've reached the point in baseball's off-season where "DJ names for everyone on the 40-man" seems like a brilliant goddamn idea. Enjoy or despise as per your belief system:
- Joe Mauer: Mistah Good X-ample
- Justin Morneau: MC Mapul Surrrrrp
- Alex Burnett: DJ Harvee Korman
- Jared Burton: Neckbeard 'n Sadness
- Glen Perkins: Throwz Left, Beatz Rite
- Chris Parmelee: GENE
- Vance Worley: DJ Traded 4 Revere
- Drew Butera: Da Pitcha Handla
- Jamey Carroll: Jamey Carroll
- Ryan Doumit: MC Doumit 2 Hell
- Trevor Plouffe: Plouffe or Gone-sequences
- Darin Mastroianni: Inspectah Place Holda
- Tyler Robertson: Lenny
- Anthony Swarzak: Da Slip'ree Ape
- Liam Hendriks: 5th Wiggle
- Mike Pelfrey: DJ Express Ya Pelf
- Scott Diamond: Get That Paper (in the Recycling Bin 4 Mother Earth)
- Josh Willingham: Yess Pigg
- Kyle Gibson: MC Inningz Limit
- Chris Herrmann: No Relation ta Edward
- Casey Fien: Obligatoree Ex-Tiga
- Brian Duensing: Bitchin' 2 Contact
- Cole De Vries: Eden Prairie ¢-er
- Kevin Correia: Rotation Filla Outta
- B.J. Hermsen: DJ Herm, Son
- Pedro Hernandez: I'm on the 40-Man Roster?
- Brian Dozier: MC Gardee's Dawghouse
- Pedro Florimon: Royal Tenenbaums Criterion Collection Edition on Blu-Ray
- Aaron Hicks: Bound ta Dizzapoint Ya Rubes
- Eduardo Escobar: The 3rd Escobar
- Joe Benson: OG Gardee's Dawghouse
- Oswaldo Arcia: Craig
- Daniel Santana: Doesn't Actually Like Santana
- Josmil Pinto: Ask Ya Doctah If Josmil Is Right 4 U
- Tim Wood: Tim Wouldn't
- Michael Tonkin: Honky Tonkin' Badonkatonkin w/Michael Tonkin featuring Gary
- Caleb Thielbar: Prone 2 Allergeez
- Ryan Pressly: DJ Merle Osmond
- Josh Roenicke: Enya Mixxtape