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Twins Say What the Hell, Let's Honor the 1997 Twins, Too (SATIRE)

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The Minnesota Twins organization, which has always prided itself on honoring its past and being mindful of history, announced Thursday that they would have a special event honoring the 15th anniversary of the 1997 Minnesota Twins.

The team, which is already bringing back the 2002 Twins this season to honor the 10th anniversary of their ALCS appearance, defended the decision to recognize the '97 squad, which posted a record of 68-94 and finished a half-game ahead of the Royals to claim 4th-place in the Central.

"No, they weren't the best team," said one Twins official. "But Brad Radke won 20 games that year, Chuck Knoblauch had a monster year, and...um, hey, bobbleheads, maybe? Who doesn't want a Rich Robertson bobblehead? Have we done him yet? Because we can just say they're Scott Aldred bobbleheads if we have. I could never tell the difference between those two guys anyway."

The dates for the event haven't been announced yet, but team sources say it's dependent on "when everyone can show up, as they will be driving themselves here." One front office source said that, "Eddie (Guardado), (Terry) Steinbach and TK (Tom Kelly) are all still around the club, so that'll be easy enough. I think one of the clubhouse guys said Brent Brede sold him a George Foreman grill on Craigslist. You don't know what happened to Pat Meares, do you? If he lives by Scott Stahoviak and Greg Colbrunn, they could maybe carpool or something, catch up on old times.

"Is Dan Serafini on the Google? I'll be honest: we haven't thought through all the particulars."