The Top Google Searches Of Twins Players

Through a combination of journalism, bribery, and sheer dumb luck, we here at Twinkie Town have stumbled across the Google search history of your favorite Twins*. (*Note: not true.) It's a large chunk of data, but we've put it through an analysis that has identified the questions that are most pressingly on the minds of those in the Twins' organization. Here they are:

• Matt Capps: "how to get barbecue sauce stains out of clothes"
• Anthony Swarzak: "does sasquatch like pizza as much as i do"
• Alexi Casilla: "google how did you get inside this magic picture box"
• Justin Morneau: "roberto luongo trade rumors"
• Denard Span: "denard span trade rumors"
• Chris Parmelee: "how to hit"
• Tsuyoshi Nishioka: "msp to tokyo flight price"
• Ron Gardenhire: "how drunk is too drunk to drive in minnesota"
• Josh Willingham: "how to get out of a contract"
• Anthony Slama: "getting noticed at work"
• Brian Dozier: "twin cities real estate"
• Trevor Plouffe: "rochester real estate"
• Jeff Gray: "why does jeff gray only pitch in losses"
• Erik Komatsu: "am i really in the major leagues"
• Francisco Liriano: "google"
• Jamey Carroll: "roth ira withdrawal rules"
• Joe Mauer: "It was another one of those days, I guess. I got a hit but we still lost, and I heard a guy from behind the dugout booing me when I grounded out to second with a runner on base. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't Joe Mauer. I wish that I was Drew Butera and I wasn't from here and I lived in the backseat of a Chevy Caprice instead of being Joe Mauer, Hero to Minnesotans And Highest-Paid Player. People ask my dad what's wrong with me when they see him at the store, and Dad says he's not disappointed but I can tell that he kind of is. I hate being a disappointment. I wish people didn't expect so much, or that people didn't care. Why did I think I could do this? Why, Google? You're my only friend now - you and the I'm Feeling Lucky button. I wish I felt lucky when I wasn't on the computer."
• Carl Pavano: "craigslist chevy iroc-z"