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Joe Mauer Reviews Children's Television Programs

I've got my eyes on you, everybody!  And the TV!
I've got my eyes on you, everybody! And the TV!

Hi, I'm Twins catcher Joe Mauer. The guys at Twinkie Town (and the gals, hey Jessica and Myjah LOL) asked me to review some of the programs that are on Nickelodeon and Disney Channel. I said sure, why not, especially since Mom has all the other channels blocked at home (HA!). I hope you guys like them.

  • Good Luck, Charlie (Disney Channel). This is a sitcom about a Denver family that has a whole bunch of kids. The dad is an exterminator and the mom is a nurse or something and the kids get into misadventures. I sorta liked it!
  • Figure It Out (Nickelodeon). This is a game show. People get green slime dumped on 'em. I know it was on the same channel, but this is a complete ripoff of Double Dare. Man, did I like Double Dare. One time, me and my brothers made our own green slime out of paste and green food coloring and gelatin, and some of it got on the brand new carpet in the basement. Boy, Mom was sore when that happened. Anyway, I sorta liked it! That host guy is no Marc Summers, though. That guy was a hoot!
  • Phineas & Ferb (Disney Channel). It's about these half-brothers named Phineas and Ferb and their pet platypus Perry, who's really a secret agent. Me and Justin Morneau used to pretend we were secret agents in the clubhouse back in the Metrodome. We got these trenchcoats and laser pointers and got these killer walkie-talkies that you could use from, like, 300 feet away. Gardy took 'em away from us when we scared Carlos Gomez real bad because he thought we really were the cops. I never did understand what exactly happened there. I really liked this one!
  • iCarly (Nickelodeon). The smart girl from School of Rock (Ioved that movie!!!) has her own internet show with her two best friends and lives in her brother's apartment in Seattle. If I wasn't a baseball player, I would love to have my own show on the internet. It would probably just be me and my friends and we'd tell jokes and goof off, maybe play some wiffle ball. I bet it would be pretty fun. This was a good one, too!
  • Victorious (Nickelodeon). There's a bunch of kids who go to this artsy high school in Hollywood and sing and dance and put on shows. I don't know, we didn't do anything like this at Cretin. You know what else always bothered me? Remember that girl Angelica from Rugrats? Man, she was a real B-word (Brat! Gotcha!), wasn't she? She was just so mean to the other kids. Sorry, know that doesn't have anything to do with this show, but she always bugged me. I sorta liked this one! One of the kids has a dummy, like that Jeff Dunham fellow. Boy, that guy, huh?
  • Shake It Up! (Disney Channel). Two girls are on this dance show in Chicago. I think it's on the web, too. There are a lot of shows on the internet these days, I guess? Anyway, this one is hot garbage.
  • The Suite Life On Deck (Disney Channel). These two twin brothers go to school on a boat. What the heck.
  • Spongebob Squarepants (Nickelodeon). You guys all know about this one, but yeah, best show EVER. And I have every episode of Salute Your Shorts on tape back at Mom and Dad's house, so I know what I'm talking about.
Thanks for reading, guys. Have a good one!