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Sad News: The "Pohlads Got a New Stadium and Won't Spend Money" Talking Point Has Passed Away

A small, private ceremony is expected to be held.

Jim Pohlad will not be present at the ceremony.
Jim Pohlad will not be present at the ceremony.
Hannah Foslien

Twins fans lost a dear friend on Wednesday night, as the "Pohlads got a new stadium but won't spend money on the team" talking point passed away suddenly with the signing of Ricky Nolasco to a reported 4-year, $49 million deal.

"You hate to see this happen anytime, obviously, but during the holidays?  Man, it hits you like a Mack truck," said Gary Halvorsen, 51, of Pine City.  "I just walked around all Thanksgiving, kinda numb.  I barely remember eating, to be honest.  Think I said something about how Rick Anderson will probably screw him up anyway to one of my stupid nephews, but that's about it."

The talking point, which had gained much traction with some in the fan base as the payroll plummeted by over $30 million in the last two years, was described as "solid and dependable" by those close to it.

"I have a 4-day weekend," said Hank Wiltgen, 52, of Gaylord.  "I was going to write a letter to the Red Star (Star Tribune) and call in to Sid and Dave and lay into those bastards for covering for the Pohlads, and now what do I do?  I'm shellshocked, to be honest."

Halvorsen said he is taking some comfort in the notion that his and others' constant grousing about the team being cheap played a role in the signing.

"I want to think that it didn't die in vain, that it helped push those effers into spending some money on the team," said Halvorsen, holding back tears.  "I have to think that."

The talking point was preceded in death by "The Twins do the little things" canard and is survived by the "Joe Mauer is soft" bullshit and the "Torii Hunter wants to finish his career here" malarkey.  A small, private burial is expected to take place on the first Iowa family farm Carl Pohlad foreclosed upon during the Great Depression.