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Other Reasons the Twins Hope To Cancel Games This Year

We've already had a game snowed out. What else could go wrong?

Hannah Foslien

The Twins will make up Sunday's snowed-out game on August 19, but a few more cancellations and the team will run out of potential makeup and doubleheader dates. This will mean fewer games and therefore fewer opportunities for losses. Losses are bad. Losses killed the promising careers of such former Twins phenoms as Rich Becker and Chad Allen and Marty Cordova. (The tanning bed helped on that last one.)

Let's think of more reasons the Twins can't play.

  • Hail of frogs
  • Fire in locker room
  • Canada Day (Justin Morneau, Scott Diamond, Rich Harden)
  • Australia Day (Liam Hendriks)
  • Entire-day closed-door team meeting to discuss how Liam Hendriks got a cancellation for Australia Day when it's in January
  • Jamaican Independence Day (Anthony Swarzak)
  • Alabama Independence Day (Josh Willingham, who when asked what in the heck Alabama Independence Day is, said "Every day is Alabama Independence Day! Roll Tide!" and then shot two pistols into the air)
  • Tyler Robertson was hungry
  • Funeral for "Harry Potter," Joe Mauer's pet hamster
  • Cinco de Mayo
  • Cinco de Mayo party that spills into Seis de Mayo and Siete de Mayo
  • Off-site team icebreaker after September 1st callups
  • Entire team accidentally hypnotized by Ryan Doumit
  • Brian Dozier gets head stuck in staircase railing
  • Team-wide intervention for Casey Fien, who has developed a 29-Red Bull-per-day habit and is claiming he can "see the future"