The Twins Way, revealed in full

Sure, we all know the Twins Way's most famous axioms: "Throw the ball, catch the ball", "Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic," and "When in doubt, move the runner over." But do you know the rest of the Twins Way, as codified by Tom Kelly? It's been added to over the years, but things are basically the same:

We don't need your bat, your arm, or your glove so bad that we'll put up with endless BS to get them.

You act like babies, we'll treat you like babies.

If it's your day to bring donuts, don't forget the donuts.

Rest, rehab, and maybe a strong dose of suck it up. That's what you need.

There's no crying in the dugout, Tommy Herr.

If you can't play right field, you can't play baseball.

No more gosh darn tanning beds.

(A page of unprintable insults about Doyle Alexander)

(Two pages of gardening tips from the May 1984 Redbook, amended with notes from Dick Such)

Extra infield is next to godliness.

Take a walk once in awhile, Swingy McStrikeout.

Stretching? Does a racehorse stretch before it runs?

Quit thinking out there.

You want to be late, be late in Triple-A.

You don't have to run around like you've got a firecracker up your hind end to play baseball. Do your job. It ain't that hard.

If you can't hit, you might as well swing hard.

Color copies are for whiners and art school dropouts. Use the black and white.

Above all: Quit whining. It could be worse.