Ron Shapiro, Joe Mauer's agent, pitches a sitcom

FROM: ron@shapironegotiations.com
TO: brian@americannetworks.com
SUBJECT: A Mauer TV series?

Brian - Good to talk to you the other day. I really think the time is ripe for a Joe Mauer sitcom; he's got a story that I think American Networks is going to love. I've got the pitch prepared - shall I send it to you, or someone else?

Thanks -

Ron Shapiro

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FROM: brian@americannetworks.com
TO: anderson@americannetworks.com
SUBJECT: pitch headed your way

Andy - don't really remember this guy, met him at a party or something, he kept babbling about a series. Something about Joe Louis or something like that. Gonna forward him on to you, see what he's got to say.

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FROM: brian@americannetworks.com
TO: ron@shapironegotiations.com, anderson@americannetworks.com
SUBJECT: RE: A Mauer TV series?

Ron - Good to hear from you. I'm going to bring in Eric Anderson from development on this conversation - he can handle your pitch from here on out. --Brian

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FROM: ron@shapironegotiations.com
TO: brian@americannetworks.com, anderson@americannetworks.com
SUBJECT: Not-So-Average Joe pitch

Not-So-Average Joe is a sitcom about the life and times of Joe Mauer, Minnesota's favorite son. Viewers will laugh at the antics of Joe, the hero, the hometown star of the local baseball team. They'll watch with sadness as injuries threaten to derail his MVP career. They'll tear up as he dumps Miss USA for the girl from high school he's loved all along.

And don't miss the emotional season finale, when the Twins catcher finally becomes the father of - you guessed it - twins!

JOE is a square-jawed hero who, like all good sitcom heros, is more acted upon than acting. We're thinking Channing Tatum for the role. If we need to cut costs, it could also be played by a cardboard cutout and a voice-over. Might go over well in a sort of postmodern Dadaist type of way.

Joe is surrounded by quite the cast of characters:

• JUSTIN, Joe's best friend, is tall and Canadian. He is lovable but dumb, and has a funny accent. (Could possibly change him to Scottish or Australian to appeal to the international market.) We're in talks with the guy who played Dauber on "Coach" for this role.
• GARDY, the team manager. Avuncular and pot-bellied. Does not understand technology. Has plenty of hilarious catchphrases, like "You guys and that Internet!", said in an exasperated voice. Rip Torn is interested, for the right price.
• RYAN, the incompetent ballpark supervisor. He stops by from time to time to lend what he thinks is earthy wisdom, but Joe and Justin think his "wisdom" nothing but buffoonery! He also trips and falls down a lot. The character is replaced by an even more incompetent supervisor halfway through the series, named SMITH. It turns out Joe misses Ryan but he'll never say so.
• FRANCISCO, the temperamental Latin pitcher. He will be funny for sure because foreign people have funny accents. Casting is working on somebody. (NOT George Lopez.)
  
• JOSH, the outfielder from Alabama. Funny for the same reason as Francisco. We're thinking Matthew McConaughey or somebody like him. Josh Lucas? What's he doing these days?
  

Looking forward to your response. We're ready to roll with the first 13 episodes as soon as you say the word.

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FROM: brian@americannetworks.com
TO: ron@shapironegotiations.com, anderson@americannetworks.com
SUBJECT: RE: pitch

Please take me off this email conversation. Thanks - Brian.

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FROM: anderson@americannetworks.com
TO: ron@shapironegotiations.com
SUBJECT: RE: Mauer pitch

Ron - Thanks for the email. We've got a number of concerns, but the main one is that there's no conflict in this show. So Joe's the local hero? And then he's successful? Where's the conflict in that?

-- Eric

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FROM: ron@shapironegotiations.com
TO: anderson@americannetworks.com
SUBJECT: RE: conflict

What I didn't tell you in my original pitch is this: it turns out everybody in town hates Joe! It's a little like Everybody Loves Raymond, except I guess the opposite. There are all these fans and they just don't like Joe very much. The funny part is, Joe just keeps on being who he's always been along! Comedy comes from conflict, and it drives people crazy that Joe is still awesome!

Also Joe makes a lot of money, and I don't know, that's funny, I guess. He is still cheap though so we could make jokes about that.

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FROM: anderson@americannetworks.com
TO: ron@shapironegotiations.com
SUBJECT: RE: RE: conflict

That doesn't sound that funny - or that plausible, frankly. Afraid we're going to have to pass on this one. Good luck in the future with this show.

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FROM: ron@shapironegotiations.com
TO: anderson@americannetworks.com
SUBJECT: RE: conflict

No, wait, I haven't told you about the other hilarious supporting characters yet! There's PUNTO, who's like the rest of the team, but short and not very good! He can't reach high shelves! And REDMOND likes to be naked, which makes Joe and Justin and the rest of the gang uncomfortable!

In later episodes, DREW shows up; he's really nice but totally incompetent, and Joe has some soul-searching to do about how to deal with him. And we can do a Say-No-To-Drugs special episode when THE PAV shows up. (The Pav likes drugs and stuff, probably huffing paint in the parking lot and things like that.)

It'd be a big mistake for you guys to pass, trust me.

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FROM: anderson@americannetworks.com
TO: ron@shapironegotiations.com, legal@americannetworks.com
SUBJECT: Pass.

Pass.