Cleveland 12, Minnesota 6

On the 29th anniversary of Cleveland's Jamie Quirk destroying the 1984 Minnesota Twins' playoff hopes, Pedro Hernandez took the mound with the chance to return the favor.  HE DID A VERY POOR JOB OF THIS.  The Tribe had a 7-0 lead before the second inning was over, and outlasted the Twins on their way to a 12-6 victory.

Hernandez, who has no business pitching in a major league baseball game, was brutal: 1.2 innings, 6 ERs 7 hits (including 3 doubles and a triple), and no redeeming value whatsoever.  As desperate as the Twins are for starting pitching, I flat guarantee you will never see him start another game for Minnesota again.

To the Twins credit, they made a game of it rather than curling up and dying.  With the score 9-1, Pedro Florimon hooked a 2-run dong over the right field overhang in the fifth, and his RBI grounder in the sixth chased Corey Kluber from the game.  Alex Presley followed that up with a 2-run single, and the game was actually "competitive" at 9-6.

But that was as close as it got.  Jason Kipnis tacked on a run in the 8th to add to his big night (HR short of the cycle, couple RBI), Drew Stubbs hit a 2-run dong, and that was that.

Notes

• Josmil Pinto had to leave the game after being hit by a pitch in his right hand.  Fortunately, X-rays were negative, because that would have just been 2013 fucking piling on for no good goddamn reason.
• Liam Hendriks struck out 8 in relief.  That was the most strikeouts by a Twins pitcher in one game ALL YEAR.  Jesus.

Robot Roll Call

Charts & Graphs

Source: FanGraphs

That's it for me this season.  Enjoy your weekend and your off-season, everybody.  2014 has to be better.  It has to be.