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"The Twins just suck!"

A 14 year old author weighs in on the struggles of the 1993 Twins.

Andy Marlin

Friends, I have spent the last week or so preparing for and then executing a move to Cedar Rapids, Iowa, which has left me greatly out of touch with the wider world around me. In fact, I don't even have internet yet, and am scamming a McDonalds out of its Wi-Fi as I post this and eat my McWhatever breakfast sandwich.

The move does have one unexpected benefit, however. In unpacking an unlabeled box, I came across my 9th grade English journal, in which I wrote about Twins games I attended in September of 1993. I present that to you know, raw and unedited. As you read it, remember that this whiny, ungrateful baby has experienced the bliss of a World Series win just two seasons before, and the club had won 90 games just the year before. He had only suffered through the bulk of a single 71-91 year when he wrote this.

September 14, 1993

Well, last night I went to the Twins game. Let me tell you, that place was filled with 2 screaming fans, and 11,286 mannequins. I tell you the dome was rocking.

The loudest cheer of the game I heard was when we all got the attendence quiz right. The people all didn't seem to want to be there. And to top it off, we were sitting in front of "The Fan From Hell."

He has no idea what he's talking about. He probably thinks the Mets are having a fine season. However, once I told him he had left his headlights on, he left.

We did enjoy watching Dave Winfield hit #2997, a home run. But it wasn't the same. The Twins just suck! I think we should quickly, in the middle of the night, switch places with the Saints and leave behind Puckett, Winfield, Knoblauch, & Aguilera.

After the game was done, we had lots of fun, too.

Next week I'll be up and running as per usual, and promise to be at least marginally more entertaining than the 14 year old Shecky Green-enthusiast you just endured. But I didn't want the week to pass without sharing my discovery, and letting all the other 14 year olds out there know that you will get less dumb over time...probably.