Suggested gifts for the LaTroy Hawkins Farewell Tour

It's the end of an era. Ancient bullpen pitcher LaTroy Hawkins told the media last Friday that he plans to retire after the 2015 season. Hawkins, the only active player to have been teammates with Kirby Puckett, will turn 113 years old later this month.

Hawkins has played for ten different teams in his 20-year career, has a huge Minnesotan Fan Club, and is signed to play with the Colorado Rockies again in 2015. I like LaTroy too, so I took a look at the Rockies' schedule and tried to brainstorm some Farewell Tour gift suggestions.

Here's what I came up with:

April 4th, 2015, @ Brewers: Fireworks.

May 13th, 2015: @ Angels: One of those monkeys.

May 27th, 2015: @ Reds: Spaghetti with chili dumped on it.

May 31st, 2015: @ Phillies: Ryan Howard.

June 14th, 2015: @ Marlins: An exotic fish from the fish tank behind home plate.

June 16th, 2015: @ Astros: A cow.

July 1st, 2015: @ Athletics: Some really nice flowers.

July 29th, 2015: @ Cubs: Two rows of the old Wrigley Field bleachers.

August 2nd, 2015: @ Cardinals: Budweiser?

August 9th, 2015: @ Nationals: Weed.

August 13th, 2015: @ Mets: A hot dog (with ketchup and mustard).

August 26th, 2015: @ Braves: A large and culturally-inappropriate headdress.

August 30th, 2015: @ Pirates: I don't know.

September 9th, 2015: @ Padres: Camo swim trunks.

September 13th, 2015: @ Mariners: A burnt Macklemore CD.

September 16th, 2015: @ Dodgers: A sweet-ass suit. Like, a $3000 suit. A fricken' awesome suit. Presented to LaTroy by Vin Scully (of course).

October 1st, 2015: @ D-Backs: Tater-tots (no ketchup).

October 4th, 2015: @ Giants: A new Android phone.

You guys have any suggestions? This is hard.