Hi, I'm Ron Gardenhire, manager of the Minnesota Twins. If there's one thing that people in my line of work value, it's reliability. You wanna be able to pencil that guy into the lineup every day, or run that starter out every fifth. And that's why I'm so disappointed in Steven Patrick Morrissey.
I've followed Morrissey ever since he and The Smiths put out The Queen Is Dead in 1986, and been a real big fan of his post-Smiths solo work. If you're like me, you've spent a lot of road trips with your headphones on, listening to Bona Drag on repeat. He's a dang genius.
That's why it drives me nuts that Mozzie can't get his act together and perform. He's been begging off shows and cancelling entire tours for years now, and it's gotta stop. He owes it to his fans, and he owes it to himself, too.
I was just talking to Bruno (hitting coach Tom Brunansky) and Scotty (first base coach Scott Ullger) the other night about how "We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful" was written about the Manchester music scene, but it could also apply to a baseball clubhouse. The kind of jealousy he describes could happen if one of your youngsters takes off before the rest of the new guys. They both nodded, because if there's one word you can use to describe Morrissey, it's "wise." And when you've got a teacher out there like Mozzie not sharing those lessons with the world, the world's a helluva lot worse for it.
So that's my plea for him: clear your head, get your poop in a group, and go out there and play. Willie Nelson's 80 and he's going out there, playing "Whiskey River" and knocking 'em dead, night in and night out. And the Red-Headed Stranger can tell you a thing or two about what you can do if you need to relax out there on the road, if you get my drift. (Not that I'm endorsing it! Just Coors Light and Louder Than Bombs on vinyl for this guy.)
If he keeps missing shows, people are gonna start thinking he's George Jones. That said, I don't know if Morrissey would know how to operate a riding mower, but I bet for damn sure he could write a beautiful song about it. Get back on stage, Mozzie. We need you out there, buddy.