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The ways in which Kennys Vargas is not like David Ortiz

Did you see Kennys Vargas' home run last night? DIDN'T HE LOOK LIKE DAVID ORTIZ?

Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Ever since it became apparent that, at some point, Kennys Vargas and his incredible power would join the Major League team, his comparisons to former Twin David Ortiz have come in thick and fast. There have been a few complaints about it already. Aaron Gleeman hates it.

The thing with comparisons is that if you look like somebody else...well, that's the comparison. Provided your comparison is only surface deep, like checking someone out as they walk by on other side of the street. And you can see the physical similarities between Vargas and Ortiz. Still, Gleeman is right - there probably isn't as much stuff that's similar about these guys as there is stuff that's different. In fact, here's a list of things that people have listed in various areas and conversations as similarities - and my clarification as to why they're actually differences.

Subject How Vargas is like Ortiz How Vargas actually isn't like Ortiz, so just stop it
Size They're both large specimens of a human being Kennys Vargas is 6' 5" and weighs 275 lbs. David Ortiz lies about his weight, listing himself at 6' 4" and 230 lbs. Please. If Ortiz is 230 I'm 170. Embrace it, David. You're not fooling anybody.
Not American-born They're both players born outside of the United States. That's like saying everything that's not cheese isn't actually cheese. Are Justin Morneau and Ichiro Suzuki similar in the same way? Ortiz is Dominican, Vargas is from Puerto Rico. As un-American as it sounds, they're actually two totally different places.
Abilities They both MASH, baby! And wow are they slow at the running. Vargas is also a switch-hitter. And Ortiz was actually a much better hitter at the same point in their careers. And if we're not talking about them at the same point in their careers, then this is just crazy talk.
Career debut Vargas and Ortiz were both called up for their Major League debuts at similar ages. Vargas just turned 24 and has 19 plate appearances to his name; by the time Ortiz turned 24, he'd played in 111 games. Vargas is getting his cup of coffee in his age-23 season; the Twins wasted...wasted...Ortiz's age-23 season by keeping him trapped in Triple-A where he hit .315/.412/.590. BECAUSE HE HAD STUFF TO WORK ON. This after posting a .817 OPS in his age-22 season in 86 games for the Twins.
Position They both play first base! And that's playing fast-and-loose with the term "play" because they don't really field their positions very well. Snicker. But who cares, THEY MASH, BABY. Congratulations. Your two players share something in common with one out of every nine players starting on the baseball field in any given game.

So, sure. Ortiz and Vargas share some physical traits. And yes, in some sense it certainly seems like Vargas uses Ortiz as something of a mentor.  But if you're comparing one baseball player to another baseball player, where there are countless other quantifiable traits, then taking more than a moment to look at the two guys should show you that they aren't all that similar.