The Minnesota Twins, thanks to a thrilling comeback on Thursday night, are set to play their most relevant October game in five years this evening. You will be split between sweating an Ervin Santana start versus the AL Central champion Kansas City Royals PLUS watching the Los Angeles Angels and Texas Rangers exchange punches PLUS hoping the Arizona Diamondbacks can spoil the unlikely Houston Astros' dream season.
The agony will be exquisite.
You don't need me to tell you the importance of these games. What you need, what we all need, is a calming influence to peel you off the ceiling and help you get through this weekend. Herewith, then, are the legendary Metrodome food service videos from the 1980s:
Do you feel better now? I feel better now. Mainlining pure 1980s corporate video bliss like that can't help but remind you of a time when Mickey Hatcher and Houston Jimenez roamed the shoddy Metrodome carpet. (Millennials: Ask your parents.) So, when you see the bullpen getting wobbly or Brian Dozier slumping or an ominous scoreboard update, revisit this page, and calm yourself.
Om. Go Twins Go. Om.