There are few things better in this world than Kent Hrbek's Twitter account. It's a celebration of eating, drinking, and destroying wild game with a variety of weaponry, written in an "uncle from Bloomington who always tells the kids to pull his finger at Thanksgiving dinner" voice. To wit:
Margarita's at El loro my head is feeling bigger already!!! pic.twitter.com/4dsSYO8dK0— Kent Hrbek (@Hrbie14) February 5, 2015
A big man in a tiny hat = ALWAYS FUNNY. The margarita and the demolished remains of a chimichanga platter are just gilding the lily. This picture should be on a FOREVER stamp, and it's frankly sad that the USPS is dragging its feet on this. Get your shit together, Obama.
Happy New Year !!! 2015 Martini... Yum. Have a safe and great new year. I'm stayin home!!!! pic.twitter.com/MdHOy4BNy7— Kent Hrbek (@Hrbie14) December 31, 2014
Kent Hrbek knows New Year's Eve is amateur hour. Tommy Herr probably loves going out on New Year's Eve. Go suck an egg, Tommy Herr. (Your Twitter account blows, too. Not one picture of you in a tiny hat, just some autograph signings and apocryphal Thomas Jefferson quotes. Wad.)
My Favorite..Tater-Tot hotdish... Thanks Sweetie pic.twitter.com/K18KGfGwwu— Kent Hrbek (@Hrbie14) November 13, 2014
The appearance of vegetables in Kent Hrbek's tater tot hotdish just lets you know that he's full of surprises. You would guess, of all people, that Kent Hrbek would be on the "no veggies" side of the TTH divide, choosing instead to go with tots, ground chuck, a cream-based soup, and maybe some cheese for calcium and bone health. But nope, there they are, the same Festal brand mixed vegetables your folks deviously secreted into your hotdish when you were a kid.
Also: Kent Hrbek's emoji game is ON POINT.
Everybody more concerned with halftime show and commercials!!! Bring on the baseball season!!!— Kent Hrbek (@Hrbie14) February 2, 2015
He didn't like Katy Perry or that dead Nationwide kid.
Watchin the Dude... The Big Lebowski....292 F bombs. He abides...— Kent Hrbek (@Hrbie14) December 21, 2014
Have any of the Twins charity auctions ever put "Watching The Big Lebowski with Kent Hrbek" up for bid? Because that would fund a butt-ton of important medical advances. A butt-ton.
Happy Halloween hope Mr Deer is trick or treating pic.twitter.com/lXfBdxJTpS— Kent Hrbek (@Hrbie14) October 28, 2014
The alternative, more legally damning version of this tweet is that he's hunting retired Milwaukee Brewer Rob Deer, which would be illegal even in South Dakota.
Come on Twitter. Quit screwin around with the font size!!! Us old people can't see it!!!— Kent Hrbek (@Hrbie14) June 11, 2014
Come on Twitter.