With Kohl Stewart going on the disabled list, the Minnesota Twins are no longer bemoaning their dreadful luck, injury or otherwise. They're looking for who's responsible.
"The guys in the clubhouse were watching Avengers for the 100th time, and it kind of all clicked," said Twins GM Terry Ryan. "Loki. We should have seen this. We have to be better."
Stewart has been placed on the 7-day disabled list with elbow inflammation, after posting a 3.10 ERA in two starts for the Fort Myers Miracle. And some in the organization, including Ryan, are convinced this setback is not just a medical issue, but rather finds its true origin in the folklore of northern Europe.
Loki, the trickster god of Norse myth, was "just an evil dick in the movie, messing up Hawkeye and shit," said one Twins player, who asked not to be identified. Twinkie Town confirmed that this is the case, and was also able to confirm another player's report of The Hulk "just whipping him around like a GD rag doll, it was so awesome."
But why would a pretend god focus on the Twins?
"Why wouldn't he," asked Ryan. "We have to focus on what we can control, and what we can do is search for the person responsible for all the Tommy John surgeries and drug suspensions and whatnot. We believe we've found the mangod responsible. And we've been in touch with the Norway cops as we consider him a person of interest."
Grete Humelgard, a spokesperson for the Norwegian Police Service, says that they have no intentions of following up on the team's request.
"Loki isn't real," she explained. "He is not real. Also, we are not the 'Norway cops.' No one calls us that."
When asked to respond, Ryan leaned back in his chair, looked out his office window, put his head in his hands and began to weep softly.