1985 Prince Previews the 2015 Twins

Minnesota native Craig Finn, leader of Brooklyn bar-rock immortality The Hold Steady, is also a noted Twins fan.  Very, very noted.  And he previewed the local nine's 2015 prospects for Rolling Stone, a magazine that has had the Spin Doctors on its cover.

(See? What the shit.)

Anyway, Finn thinks this will be an interesting year, after last year's joyless slog. And that's good!  I was optimistic until the last 10 days, when they decided to send all the cool, fun players away and go with Shane Robinson and Chief Brody and I don't know who else.  Now I think they'll win 69 games (nice) and everyone will be sad and mean by July again.  But I'm wrong a lot.

So wrong, in fact, that I've brought in Twinkie Town's own musical expert, another Minnesota native, Prince from the year 1985.  Take it away, Prince!

STU: So, how do you think the Twins will do this year?

PRINCE: ...

STU: I see that you're thinking this over.  Take your time.

PRINCE: ...

STU: The starting rotation looks better, or at least there are more options and depth, you know?

PRINCE: God is in U.

STU: OK.  So, you figure the lineup will be any better?

PRINCE: ...

STU: That outfield defense.  I mean, holy cow, that's got the potential to be a clown car.

PRINCE:...

STU: I'm pretty sure Glen Perkins and Casey Fien will be fine in the 'pen, but the rest is just, god, you gotta hope they know what they're doing.

PRINCE: ...

STU: Brian Deunsing is the only lefty out there.  And he was a trainwreck last year.  I don't know.  I just don't know.

PRINCE: Sexxxxy. 2 becoming 1.

STU: I'm not following.

PRINCE: ...

STU: I feel bad about jumping to any conclusions about anyone, from Paul Molitor on down the line, but I'm wary, you know?

PRINCE: ...

STU: I guess cautious optimism is the wisest course.   I'm excited to see the young guys who are up here, the Vargases and the Arcias and the Pintos.

PRINCE: U need to C if Phil Hughes can sustain his X-cellence, and if Ricky Nolasco can step up 2 the challenge.  Eye think ¢terfield is Y eye will B skeptical of any immediate turnaround.

STU: Whoa.

PRINCE: Go.  Now.

STU: Thank you.

PRINCE: ...