Advanced Metrics Say Twins Are Actually Ultimate Frisbee Team

The Minnesota Twins' hot start is hard to explain by any of the formulas sabermetricians use to analyze baseball.  The latest model run confirms that, and then some.

"They're the Southern Illinois men's ultimate frisbee team," said Philo Cornflower, a longtime SABR member.  "I've run the numbers dozens of times, and I get the same result.  I can't explain it, which makes sense in its own way."

Cornflower said he used a mix of traditional and advanced statistical measures to reach this conclusion.

"I know I should be surprised, or at minimum quintuple-checking my work," said Cornflower, tugging at his precisely-knotted bowtie. "But you tell me how a team with that OBP and so few strikeouts is 28-18.  All the numbers indicate that they should be in Carbondale (Illinois), chucking the 'bee with their bros."

A.J. Neilan, president of the Southern Illinois Full Tilt Ultimate Frisbee Club, said that the team is not the AL Central-leading Twins, but was fine with the results.

"Tight," he said.

Cornflower said this is not the first time this formula has spit out a non-traditional result.

"I ran a similar model at the start of the 2011 postseason, and my laptop screen displayed an upside-down crucifix and my apartment was filled with black flies and the howls of the damned.

"So, yes, when the St. Louis Cardinals won, I wasn't surprised."