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TEX 11, MIN 7: Who Cares

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Recap typed during a rain delay, nobody gives a poop, Buxton's up!

Nunez sweating gallons of happiness because, Buxton!
Nunez sweating gallons of happiness because, Buxton!
Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

OH THANK JEEPERS CREEPERS IT'S OVER

Mike Pelfrey "regressed." The Twins offense actually manged three runs through seven innings, their best showing since June 5th, thanks to Eddie Rosario, the only young Twins player not currently stuck in a black hole of death & doom.

Pelfrey's line (NSFW): 3.2 IP, 11 H, 3 BB, 8 ER, 0 K. Props, Mike, for being true to you. J.R. Graham, who inherited the long-relief role after Tim Stauffer was tragically devoured by chipmunks, did little better: 1.1, 3 H, 1 BB, 3 ER, 0 K.

I was walking back from my library during the rain delay pondering what awful metaphor for rampant suckitude I would use to describe the Twins right now --  essentially, the exact same team as last year with a new 40-ish outfielder encouraging 100% not-gay dance parties in the clubhouse. I'm not entirely sure how many WAR 100% not-gay dance parties contribute over the course of a season. I'm guessing it's maybe less than, oh, let's say, 1.

But, no. You know what the story is today.

It's not Pelfrey's hideous reversion to Mr. Hyde, the team's declining veterans, scuffling youngsters, hot mess at shortstop, consistency in Brian Dozier or anything the heck else.

Sorry for failing to recap any post-Buxton game action! (Yeah, there was runs in the ninth with two outs.) Somehow, I don't think you will mind.