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Pitching Duel, Blown Saves, Twins Lose

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Glen Perkins dooms the franchise forever, and should be eaten by famished hyenas.

Blame Brananorama, David RF, vast exhaustion, and my worthless history degree for the "Duel" theme.
Blame Brananorama, David RF, vast exhaustion, and my worthless history degree for the "Duel" theme.
Mario Tama/Getty Images

Did you know baseball can vary from game to game? Last Saturday, the Twins and . . . and . . . and some other team, I forget, scored like 100 runs and the game lasted forever. Today, the Twins and A's scored the loneliest number between them for eight-plus innings, so the game went fast. Crazy, huh?

Scott Kazmir has been magically delicious this season, and wiped out the Twins after one inning. That first inning? There were bases full with nobody out. Sano whiffed, double-play Plouffed, and thus was it for Minnesota's scoring chance.

Phil Hughes did well against the AL's cellar team, giving up a Billy Butler dong late (as all Royals beat all Twins these days, even ex-Royals.) Kazmir lasted through one out in the ninth, when Brett Lawrie made a stoopid, stoopid, very bad throw allowing Brian Dozier to reach second. A's closer Tyler Clippard came in and gave Torii Hunter a birthday plunk. Mauer hit a double! Sano a sac fly! The Twins scored, twice! Win Win Win!

Nope. The Glen Perkins stretch of saves saved was bound to end eventually, and tonight it didth endeth. In extra innings, would you think the Twins bullpen could stop anyone? Don't think that, it would be silly of you. Casey Fien did what Twins relievers do. The Royals won again, which is what they do. All is at harmony with the universe.

Tomorrow you don't have to be up late. It's Mayday Milone against Jesse Chavez, a converted 31-year-old reliever who will probably shut out the Twins because everything is ruined and horrible now. Hang out here for fun and chuckles!

P.S.: It was "Hello Kitty" Night in Oakland, a matter of some concern.

Robot Roll Call:

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1 Brananorama 119
2 DavidRF 83
4 WestRiverTwinsFan 36
5 twinsgirl197 23
6 Devereaux 21
7 Gunnarthor 20
8 Win-MIN-Twins 19
9 SooFoo Fan 16
10 sdsujacks 7
11 haydenaudette51 4
12 smookaj 2