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Nick Punto Visits Twins in Anaheim; Enthusiasm Injuries at 'Expected' Levels


Jamie Squire/Getty Images

Officials at Angel Coliseum of Anaheim said enthusiasm injuries were at "expected" levels when former Minnesota infielder Nick Punto visited the stadium.

"We were fortunate that Mr. Punto gave us advance notice of his plans, and we were able to establish triage areas and activate our Code Hustle protocol," said Angels spokesperson Quinn Curry.

Stadium workers were able to keep most of the grills and open flames in the concessions area out of Punto's headfirst sliding area, according to Curry, but the penumbra of uncertainty in his path makes a 100% success rate near-impossible.

"He saw (Twins general manager) Terry Ryan near the buffet line by the press box and slid right toward him.  Nothing anyone could do.  Just a 'TERRY, MY GUY, WHAT'S UP,' a blur, then a row of steam trays were upended and scalding queso shrapnel flew everywhere.

"Most of the beat writers were treated for very minor burns, but seemed more upset about the loss of the queso, to be honest."

"It's a top five stadium dip," said reporter Rhett Bollinger.  "Peppery, but not overly spicy.  A little smoke to it.  Quality dip."

Per multiple stadium sources, the only other noteworthy incident was when Punto saw the artificial boulders in left-center, yelled "SLIDING ROCKS!  YEAH!" and caused a substantial fake rock avalanche.

"That little S.O.B. just went headfirst into the rocks while the geysers were going off," said an usher who asked to remain anonymous.  "He was yelling 'INTENSITY' and 'TWIST IT LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO' and the rocks just kept tumbling down.

"The weird part is, there's no dirt out there.  None.  And (Punto) gets up, and he's covered in dirt. Filthy.  He brushed himself off, slammed two Monster energy drinks, and slid headfirst into the men's room.  Damnedest thing I've ever seen."