2016 Twins Statistical Overview: FINAL EDITION

Brandon Kintzler, did you hear the Twins were bad this year? - Jon Durr/Getty Images

HEY, EVERYONE, DID YOU HEAR THE TWINS WERE BAD THIS YEAR? No, really, they were; I swear I didn't make that up. There were a few bright spots, mostly obscured by a thick layer of suck, which would be a great name for an industrial metal band.

Friends, I have delved into this layer of suck, and I have emerged with statistics. I believe you will find that I have made all of the necessary statistical comparisons, as I include references to both Bartolo Colon and the 1899 Cleveland Spiders. Some of the stats are actually good, but I'm not going to tell you which ones beforehand, and I was far too lazy to organize this list by implied level of optimism, so you'll have to figure that out on your own. My methods, for those who are curious, are complex and thorough: I go to FanGraphs and Baseball-Reference and look stuff up until I find something I like.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2016 Minnesota Twins! I have embedded the team theme song for your listening pleasure while you read:

Twins leader in OPS: Tommy Milone, Jose Berrios (tie)
Twins leader in ERA: Eduardo Escobar

Am I going to post any sad Joe Mauer stats: No (weeps softly into #7 jersey)

Byron Buxton, Age 22 Season: 91
Torii Hunter, Age 22 Season: 60
Torii Hunter, Age 23 Season: 73
Torii Hunter, Age 24 Season: 80
Kirby Puckett, Age 22 Season: N/A (Rookie League)
Kirby Puckett, Age 23 Season: N/A (Class A)
Kirby Puckett, Age 24 Season: 79

Twins pitchers with 50+ IP in a season: 564
2016 Jose Berrios' rank in ERA: 561st
Did I remember the name "Benj Sampson" (#562) before looking up this stat: No

Twins pitchers with 50+ IP in a season since xFIP has been calculated: 177
2016 Jose Berrios' rank in xFIP: 176th
So, who's in last place: 2016 Hector Santiago

Isolated Power
John Ryan Murphy: .073
Bartolo Colon: .083

Winning percentage
April: .292
May: .296
August: .310
September: .296

Month that included a 13-game losing streak: August

Fielding Independent Pitching
2016 Minnesota Twins: 4.57
1899 Cleveland Spiders: 4.55

Save Percentage
LaTroy Hawkins (career): 67%
Ron Davis (career): 75%
2016 Minnesota Twins: 57%

Wins Above Replacement (Baseball-Reference)
Ervin Santana: 3.8
All Minnesota Twins pitchers combined (including Ervin Santana): 1.8

FACT: You personally produced more WAR than the entire Twins' pitching staff other than Ervin Santana

Strikeout percentage
Miguel Sano: 36.0%

Players with a higher strikeout percentage and as many plate appearances as Miguel Sano, ever: 1 (Chris Carter, 2013)

Sluggging Percentage
Eduardo Escobar: .338
Madison Bumgarner: .360

John Ryan Murphy: .413
Jim Kaat (career): .494

Eduardo Nunez (full season): 104
Jorge Polanco: 105

Eduardo Nunez (2016): .758
Eduardo Nunez (2015): .758

Byron Buxton: 6
Baltimore Orioles: 6

Miguel Sano: .781
Drew Butera: .808

Runs allowed
Minnesota Twins: 889 (15th in AL)
Oakland Athletics: 761 (14th in AL)
Toronto Blue Jays: 666 (1st in AL)
Difference between Twins and Athletics: 128
Difference between Athletics and Blue Jays: 95

Minnesota Twins: 126 (15th in AL)
Oakland Athletics: 97 (tied for 12th-14th in AL)
Detroit Tigers: 75 (1st in AL)
Difference between Twins and Athletics: 29
Difference between Athletics and Tigers: 22

Ultimate Zone Rating, per 150 games
Robbie Grossman: -26.1
Delmon Young (career): -12.3
Delmon Young's career worst (min. 50 defensive games): -22.5

Defensive Wins Above Replacement (Baseball-Reference)
Robbie Grossman: -2.6
Every Twins player with a positive dWAR, combined: 2.3

Players with 350+ innings at a defensive position in 2016: 320
Miguel Sano's rank in fielding percentage as a third baseman: 320th
Robbie Grossman's rank in fielding percentage: 312th
Jorge Polanco's rank in fielding percentage as a shortstop: 311th
Oh god: There's more!
Trevor Plouffe's rank in fielding percentage: 290th
Eduardo Escobar's rank in fielding percentage as a shortstop: 280th
Max Kepler's rank in fielding percentage: 277th

Home run percentage
Brian Dozier: 6.1%
Harmon Killebrew (career): 5.8%
Bartolo Colon: 1.5%
Danny Santana: 0.8%

Stolen base percentage
Danny Santana: 57%
Kent Hrbek (career): 59%

Walks per 9 innings
Pat Light: 9.6
Steve Blass (1973, the year of "Steve Blass Disease"): 8.5

Most of these stats are bad: Yes

Is there room for hope: Yes

2016 Minnesota Twins: 103
2017 Minnesota Twins: 0

Anything can happen: You bet it can