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Adam LaRoche: White Sox Also Wouldn't Let Me Bring Ancient One Into Clubhouse

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The team says it has a longstanding policy against bringing any Liar-Kings onto team property.

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Rick Scuteri-USA TODAY Sports

Adam LaRoche's retirement from baseball became even more complex on Thursday, as he revealed that the Chicago White Sox refused to let him bring Draven the Liar, an Ancient One who will visit The Darkening upon our reality, into the team's clubhouse.

"I love my son, and of course Draven, curse and bless His name," said LaRoche.

The White Sox allegedly didn't want Adam's son Drake in the clubhouse and were equally unenthusiastic about the god-thing/eater of souls.

"Draven's very name inspires stomach-churning dread and lamentations among the elders," said a team source. "Also, he smells like sulfur and bad milk.  He's a distraction in the clubhouse."

LaRoche said the franchise's intransigence on both his son and his God wasn't unexpected, but still hurt.

"My family comes first, and by family I mean Draven, Liar-King of the Osgoth Plain, and my little guy, Drake.  When the team says they're unwelcome, the writing's on the wall."

Other teammates said that, while Drake was usually well behaved, Draven was a different story.

"Sometimes Drake would get underfoot a little bit, but he's a good kid," said one veteran who asked not to be named. "But Draven would take up a good third of the locker room with all His nefarious works.  Plus, I saw (Chris) Sale ask Him to move His cape away from the cold tub, and Draven banished him to the Airless Void of Eternal Screaming.  That's gonna mess up our rotation."

Draven was unavailable for comment.