Hi again, everyone! The team is a garbage fire, just like at this time last year! It's time we look at the NUMBERS to find out what's REALLY GOING ON here. Or just make fun of how crappy our team is, whichever works for you.

OBLIGATORY LINKS TO LAST YEAR'S EDITIONS, THE FIRST OF WHICH CONTAINS A LINK TO EDITIONS FROM YEARS PAST:

Volume One

Volume Two

Volume Three

Anyway, here are some stats. They are all bad except the last one. This was hastily put together after realizing that the Twins have an afternoon game today that they could win 23-0 and screw up all my stats (ha ha! (weeps softly)), so I apologize if the formatting is crappier than usual.

Strikeout percentage
Mark Reynolds, 2009: 33.7% (set the single-season strikeout record)
Eddie Rosario: 45%
Miguel Sano: 50%
Byung Ho Park: 52.4%
Byron Buxton: 57.9%

Home runs
2016 Minnesota Twins: 3
National League pitchers: 3

Extra base hits that required running full-speed
Lazy Joe Mauer: 0

Home runs
Trevor Plouffe, Miguel Sano, Oswaldo Arcia, and Eddie Rosario, combined: 0
Madison Bumgarner: 1

Isolated power
Miguel Sano: .000
National League pitchers: .063

Save percentage
LaTroy Hawkins (career): 67%
Ron Davis (career): 75%
2016 Minnesota Twins: 0%

Batting average
2016 Minnesota Twins: .223
1899 Cleveland Spiders: .253

Strikeouts
Miguel Sano, Byron Buxton, and Byung Ho Park, combined: 33
All of the Miami Marlins, combined: 30
All of the Los Angeles Angels, combined: 31
All of the Baltimore Orioles, combined: 33
All of the Washington Nationals, combined: 33

Walks
Twins other than Joe Mauer and Brian Dozier, combined: 9
Jose Bautista: 9

WHIP
2016 Twins: 1.490
Carlos Silva (career): 1.397
Joe Mays (career): 1.463

OPS
2016 Twins: .640
Nick Punto (career): .646

Danny Santana: .333
National League pitchers: .388

OPS+
Eduardo Nunez: 379
Barry Bonds, 2002: 268 (league record)