Twins Hastily Schedule Robbie Grossman Bobblehead Night

New Twin Robbie Grossman will get an enthusiastic welcome to Minnesota on Tuesday, provided a missing key can be found to a Lino Lakes storage locker.

Robbie Grossman Bobblehead Night is slated for Tuesday's game against the defending champion Kansas City Royals.  The purpose:  Rewarding fans and welcoming the newest Twin in what the team is calling "an eco-friendly way."

"The soonest we could get fresh ones in from the manufacturer over in China was August," said a front office source.  "I was like, hell, we don't have that kind of time.  What we do have is a whole bunch of (Jason) Bartletts gathering dust up in the ‘burbs.  Let's put ‘em to good use.  We're going green!"

The figurines, which were commissioned before Bartlett suddenly retired in 2014, have been gathering dust in the northern Twin Cities suburb ever since.  Although Bartlett and Grossman look nothing alike, the Twins aren't worried about it.

"We get a bucket of Sharpies to color the hair, some enthusiastic kindergartners with good hand-eye coordination, and we'll tear through them in an afternoon," said the source.  "Do you know if he wears one of those dipshit necklaces?"

The only hold-up at this time is that the key to the storage locker is missing, and the owner of the garage is "being a real dick."

"Virgil (the manager) is like, ‘Did you read the contract? This is your problem, not mine.' Christ.  I don't need this, Virgil. We gave the key to (former Twins coach Scott) Ullger, and he wore it around his neck.  Sounds like he lost it at a party.

"We asked him what kind of party, and he just smiled."

The source says they plan to put a "high quality" sticker on the base of the figurine with Grossman's name on it and a message reading, "PLEASE STAY.  PLEASE."