My Minnesota Twins-themed Birthday Party


Glue that helmet on, Nunez.

Not really themed, per se. I just hired five of them to provide entertainment for the kids at my birthday party.

The scene is your "American dream" backyard: Spacious yard with full, bright, green grass. White picket fence. A grill with steak cooking on it, because 'Murica. A bunch of six-packs of PBR in the cooler ...because 'Murica? Women standing together talking about curtain colors, hair style trends, and other oddities. The birthday man and his buddies are standing together around that grill, drinking beer and not looking at each other while talking about mustaches, the steak on the grill, and the entertainment for his party:

Imakesandwiches: "Well, men, whaddya think of the party?"

Freddy: "Well, man, I'm not sure... I'm kinda concerned."

Bobby: "Yeah, this is kinda weird."

Imakesandwiches: "What are you talking about? Everything's going quite swell."

Jeffy: "Well, I have to be honest, I'm not sure about what the kids are doing over there in the corner."

Imakesandwiches: "It's just Glue the Helmet on Eduardo Nunez. I don't get what's so weird about it."

Bobby: "I just don't know. It just seems odd, you know? What if the glue gets in his eyes?"

Imakesandwiches: "I'm not really worried about it. The helmet just falls off anyway."

Freddy: "Okay, but does anyone know CPR? Those kids are hitting the target on the dunking booth, and I don't think Mauer likes 1% milk."

Jeffy: "Yeah, how did you afford all that 1% milk, Imakesandwiches?"

Imakesandwiches: "Someone donated it, I guess. Some guy named Pavstache gave me a call and said he'd bring it in."

Bobby: "Creepy. Okay. I'm not really fond of the kids having scissors though, especially around Ervin Santana... What if they cut off his dreadlocks?"

Freddy: "Yeah, this is getting to be a hazardous place, Imakesandwiches."

Imakesandwiches: "Guys, it's fine. Santana said something about a haircut anyway, I think. Focus on the steaks here."

Jeffy: "Yeah, but it doesn't look like Miguel Sano is having a good time playing ball over there. He can't track down a ball for the life of him."

Imakesandwiches: "I know, but at least Casey Fien is pitching and giving the kids some hope of hitting well some day..."

/all nod in agreement and sip on their beer